Oh, Aria An AU Metrofic of Epic Playportions
by Anthy's worst fear
Summary: Attention!: Do not add hot chocolate. If you spill hot chocolate on the board, maximum two random historical figures will be sent to you. There is no way to send them back. Warning: Historical figures may cause unwanted guests.
1. IMPORTANT

An: *Gasp* I'm so sorrry! I now know why the response was so low! Thanks, Moro Stagsleap! *Smacks own head* This is a short little explination chappy that NEEDS to be read unless you've seen the animes Shoujo Kakumei Utena and Escaflowne...but don't worry, I'm going to make this as entertaining as possible and as short as I can. Remember, YOU MUST READ THIS BEFORE YOU GO ON, OR ELSE YOU WILL BE LOST!! MOST CHARACTERS ARE ESSENTIAL TO PLOT PROSSESSION AND THREFORE MUST BE KNOWN.  
  
Shoujo Kakumei Utena  
  
Concerning characters Utena and Anthy....  
  
Utena is a fourteen year old girl with pink hair who wants to be a prince. So she goes to school dressed as one ^_^. while at school, she makes a friend, named Wakaba, who likes to pretend to be her girlfriend since she acts like a prince (Wakaba is sometimes known as the onion princess...you'll figure out why this fact is important in a little while.) Wakaba sends a love letter to the president of the student council, who posts the letter all over the school for everyone to see. (How mean!) Angry at this, Utena gets into a fight with the Student council president and gets engaged to the rose bride, Anthy, by accident, and they become close, like sisters. But that's only in the series.  
  
In the movie, which we will be following at one point, Utena comes to the school acting like a prince again, (you know it.) and sees Touga, who isn't really important, except for the fact that he's Utena's dead boyfriend. She kisses him goodbye at one point. Anyway, Utena comes to school and finds a special ring in a white rose. After she finds it, she sees rose petals falling from the sky and goes to find the source, stumbling upon a huge rose garden suspended high above the school. In the garden is Anthy, who is engaged to a man name Saionji. Again, Utena is accidentally engaged to her, and ends up falling in love with her, unlike in the series, where they were only sisterly friends. I personally prefer them being friends, but everyone's different. there is a car chase at the end of the movie where Anthy and Utena escape the school, because Anthy had the power to 'Revolutionize the world!!'.  
  
Concerning characters Shiori and Juri...  
  
Juri has a crush on Shiori. Yheahuh. And Shiori doesn't like it, so she talks to Touga about it and sleeps with him. (She's a bad girl!) Shiori tries to make life hard for Juri and hates her to the ends of the world.  
  
Escaflowne  
  
Concerning character Dilandau....  
  
Dilandau is a fifteen year old albino pyromaniac. That's all you need to know about him. Really.  
  
An: Thia will help you as the story moves along, believe me. you'll remember these things and catch jokes you didn't know existed in this story, everyone. Good luck! 


	2. Prelude to Horror

Intro: It's a wonderful day in our little AU Metropolis when our heros find some flyers for a chance to be a star! What is this about?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything featured in this story, except for Aria. I doubt you would want to use her, she seems somewhat bland in this particular fanfiction. But if for any reason you would actually want to use her, you can always ask. Oh yhea, there are Milaura and Kalikodda too, but they only make very quick apperances. Hey...and here's a little challenge. After reading at least one real chapter,if you think you can draw Aria (Meaning you think you know what she looks like) I would like to see this. *Chuckle followed by insane laugh* If you get close enough, I may actually send you a picture of how she really looks. But that's only if. Well, on with the prelude!  
  
(It is a very pretty day, when Kenichi and Tima are walking down a street, bored. Then they see a flyer on a wall that catches their attention.)  
  
Be a star! Join the Anime Together production of Romeo and Juliet! The play will be featured at the opening of the new auditorium in the Ziggurat! Of course, we just signed up, but it's all good! Come as you are--bring your best acting, though! Auditions will take place...within fifteen minuets, actually. Better hurry, little boy and little girl! Run, RUN!  
  
Anthy's Worst Fear  
  
(Kenichi and Tima run as fast as they can in the direction of the Ziggurat, hoping to become stars.)  
  
Meanwhile....  
  
Rock: Father!  
  
Duke Red: Don't call me that! What do you want?  
  
Rock: I found this flyer, and I was wondering if we could go and see what this is all about.  
  
Duke Red: Let me see that!!  
  
Hey, you! Yhea, you, with the curly eyebrows. We know you didn't arrange anyone to perform a play at the public opening of the Ziggurat auditorium, but how about arranging yourself? That's right! If you put this paper down after reading the last sentence and head to the auditorium now, you can make it! Hurry! 3:00!! Oh, tell your friends, too! the ones with the...you know!!  
  
Anthy's Worst Fear  
  
(Duke Red grabs Rock and his cell phone, calling all his 'Friends' and heading for the elevator.)  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
(Atlas is walking pass the Ziggurat--how interesting, when a flyer hits his face.)  
  
YOU MUST GO TO THE ZIGGURAT AUDITORIUM. NOW.  
  
Anthy's Worst Fear  
  
(Atlas makes a mad dash into the Ziggurat, clutching a few books.)  
  
Ladies and gentlemen, this is how the next chapter came to be. Now, proceed. 


	3. The First Two Days

Oh, Aria!!  
  
A Metropolis humor fic of absolute sick and wrongness, hosted by Anthy's Worst Fear. Meet them!  
  
Aria: My name is Aria Turner. I am very sweet and submissive. But if you make me really mad, I will make things randomly explode. *Bows respectively*  
  
Utena: I'm Utena Tenjou, from Shoujo Kakumei Utena. You may remember me as a prince-girl. Well, here, I'm that--plus uber genki. *Bounces around room*  
  
Dilandau: I'm Dilandau Albatou, from Escaflowne. I like setting thing aflame, fire, candles, setting things aflame, setting things aflame, and Aria. *Sets chair on fire*  
  
Simon: I'm Simon Cowell. *Glares* I like to...I like to...hmm. I really don't know. But Aria did turn me into a girl once. *Glares some more*  
  
Kallikodda: Milaura and I are the stage experts.  
  
Milaura: Don't ask.  
  
Aria: Now...on with the tale!!  
  
(The scene is set at an auditorium of grand proportions. The cast of Metropolis is standing on the stage, waiting.)  
  
Duke Red: Where on earth are they?! They said that they'd be there at three, and it is three o' one. I am becoming angry!  
  
Rock: Father--  
  
Duke Red: Stupid boy! What did I tell you about calling me father?!  
  
Rock: Sorry. Sir, maybe they had to go to the restroom or something.  
  
Tima: Kenichi! Kenichi Kenichi Kenichi Kenichi!  
  
(Everyone stares at her in confusion.)  
  
Tima: Kenichi Kenichi?*Confused look*  
  
Duke Red: Tima!  
  
Tima: Kenichi! *Runs far away from Duke Red, who sulks some.*  
  
(The door to the auditorium opens and Anthy's Worst Fear enters, seating themselves at the first row of seats.)  
  
Dilandau: Welcome! I'm so glad you all showed up to audition for this year's Anime Together production of Romeo and Juliet for the Ziggy op!  
  
(Dilandau smiles and Kenichi's script instantly catches fire. He throws it to the ground and stomps on it, looking up at Dilandau with big, fearful eyes.)  
  
Aria: Oh, Dilandau-kun...  
  
Dilandau: What?  
  
Aria: You don't need to smile like that, you know it randomly sets things ablaze...  
  
(There is light music playing and birds twittling as Duke Red turns his gaze to Aria. All speech audio shuts off as he stares at her...and stares at her...and stares at her...)  
  
Kenichi: Sir? Sir?  
  
Duke Red: Mlaurrphhnerrphgllluuuph....  
  
Kenichi: Random insane shooty guy, I think something's wrong with your dad.  
  
Rock: Hello? Sir? Father? Heeeellooooo....*Waves hand in front of Duke Red's face*  
  
Duke Red: Heheheheheeee....hahahahaha....phrrrrrrt....  
  
Kenichi: Darastic measures?  
  
Rock: Yheahuh.  
  
(Rock dissapears for a moment and comes out wearing a sailor suit and licking a lollypop. Everyone is staring at him as he walks up to Duke Red and grabs his hand)  
  
Rock: THIS IS MY DADDY! I WUV HIM LOTS, YES I DO! AND HE WUVS ME TOO!!  
  
(Duke Red wakes up and looks at Rock murderously.)  
  
Duke Red: HOW DARE YOU INTERUPT MY REVERIE! AND WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT CALLING ME FATHER?! *Looks like he's going to kick Rock off the face of the earth but turns and kicks Lamp off instead, seeing that the guy wasn't acting material anyway. Everyone is quiet.*  
  
Rock: *Puppy eyes* Me sorry....  
  
Utena: Well...since that's overwith, I'd like to announce that Aria, Dilly and I will also be participating in the play! Simon will deal out parts depending on how everyone acts. *Smiles*  
  
Simon: *Glares*  
  
(The entire...er...almost entire cast of Metropolis backs up some from the edge of the stage. Aria stands up and brushes herself off, her long silver hair swaying softly.)  
  
Duke Red: *Sigh*  
  
Skunk: What the hell is wrong with you?  
  
Duke Red: BE QUIET! IT'S MY LIFE! I HATE YOU!  
  
(Skunk runs out of the Auditorium crying and everyone watches him, somewhat shocked.)  
  
Dilandau: Okay...Aria will be the first to audition. All of you who can't act, GET THE HELL OFF MY STAGE.  
  
(All the political guys leave, save Duke Red, who is trying to look suave. Aria climbs up onto the stage, and stands at front, brushing herself off again. All the guys stare at her short school uniform pleated skirt)  
  
Aria: *fluently*Farewell! God knows when we shall meet again.  
  
I have a faint cold fear thrills through my veins,  
  
That almost freezes up the heat of life:  
  
I'll call them back again to comfort me:  
  
Nurse! What should she do here?  
  
My dismal scene I needs must act alone.  
  
Come, vial.  
  
What if this mixture do not work at all?  
  
Shall I be married then to-morrow morning? *Curtsies and leaves stage*  
  
Guys: *Drool*  
  
Simon: Nice! Very nice! I would say...that you make a spectacular Juliet! Come here and get your script!  
  
(Aria prances over to get her script and all the guys give each other deathglares, except for Atlas, who is in a corner reading the Shoujo Kakumei Utena manga.)  
  
Atlas: Revolutionary! *[1]Gets out Adolesence Apocalypse art book and flips to marked page* Ohhhhh yheeaaaa.....*Puts down art book and gets back to manga*  
  
Utena: *Looks disturbed* Simon, can I call security?  
  
Simon: Never mind him and get on stage. Hurry!  
  
Utena: Yay! *Prances onto stage as Atlas snaps to attention.*  
  
I want to be Tybalt.  
  
(Silence)  
  
Utena: *Clears throat, smiles and prances about*What, drawn, and talk of peace! I hate the word,  
  
As I hate hell, all Montagues, and thee:  
  
Have at thee, coward!  
  
(Silence)  
  
Simon: Nurse. You're too genki to be Tybalt.  
  
Utena: Oh, snap. *Walks off of stage and grabs script as Atlas takes pictures of her backside* You know, that man is starting to disturb me. Deeply.  
  
Atlas: Take my Revolution!  
  
Utena: *Shiver*  
  
Dilandau: I have decided to go last. *Eyes the rest of the Metropolis cast* Tima? Why don't you go ahead?  
  
Tima: Kenichi! *Steps foward and gives a very serious look* Kenichi Kenichi Kenichi Kenichi Kenichi!!Kenichi, Kenichi.  
  
(Silence)  
  
Duke Red: That's my girl!  
  
(Tima runs up to Duke Red and kicks him in the shin, running to Kenichi.)  
  
Tima: Kenichi!  
  
Duke Red: *Rubbing shin* Why does it always have to be me?!  
  
Kenichi: Go ask Simon what your part is, Tima!  
  
Tima: Kenichi! *Runs to the edge of the stage again*  
  
Simon: Well, Tima...you only say the word Kenichi, so I guess you have to be random villager number six.  
  
Tima: KENICHI!!*Runs over to Atlas and kicks him in the crotch for no real reason*  
  
Atlas: *High voice* Why you little...  
  
(Rock, who has been resting in a corner, stands.)  
  
Rock: I'll go next. *Walks to front of stage* Two households, both alike in dignity,  
  
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,  
  
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,  
  
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.  
  
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes--*Tima races up and pushes Rock off of stage*OW! Demon child!!  
  
Tima: Kenichi!  
  
Rock: I'll kill you!! *Draws gun*  
  
Kenichi: NOOOOO!!  
  
Duke Red: NOOOOO!!  
  
Utena: INSANITY STARTED. BEGINNING EMERGENCY 'CHATSPEAK' MODE. OMGWTF?!!!!111!!  
  
(Everyone stops and turns to Utena. Silence.)  
  
Utena: Y r u lkng @ me?*Goes blank* CHATSPEAK MODE TERMINATED.  
  
(Silence)  
  
Simon: *Clears throat* May I call Kenichi to the front of the stage?  
  
(Dilandau looks up and Kenichi grows nervous)  
  
Kenichi: I love easy mac, I love easy mac, easy mac loves me too...  
  
(Silence)  
  
Tima: *Angry face* KENICHI!!  
  
Rock: We don't even have enough people to do Romeo and Juliet! Nobody even announced MY part!  
  
Duke Red: No! We must do Romeo and Juliet!  
  
Atlas: Why? So you can kiss Aria?  
  
Duke Red: *Blushes* NO!  
  
Atlas: Dukie and Aria, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S--*Is shot by Utena*  
  
Utena: Muhahahaha! I is the greatest! Go Tenjou! It's your birthday. We don't care if it's not your birthday. We're gonna party like it's your birthday--  
  
Duke Red: ENOUGH!  
  
Dilandau: I know! Let's do...  
  
(Silence)  
  
Dilandau: Um...  
  
Simon: Why don't we just do one of those--  
  
Utena: Let's do my movie, Adolecence Apocalypse!  
  
(Pleased mumbling)  
  
Utena: I'll cut it so that not that many characters need to be used. I want to be Saionji!  
  
Aria: I'm Anthy!  
  
(Duke Red rushes to Aria's side)  
  
Duke Red: I'm Utena!*Beams*  
  
(Silence)  
  
Simon: Okay...I'LL DO THE REST IF YOU PUSHY GITS DON'T MIND. Tima, you can be Juri, and Kenichi can be Shiori.  
  
Tima: Kenichi!  
  
Kenichi: Awww man...  
  
Simon: Dilandau will be Touga.  
  
(Dilandau's face flushes in fear, and so does Duke Red's.)  
  
Simon: We need an Akio!  
  
(Silence, then everyone points to dead Atlas, smiling.)  
  
Simon: Oh....okay. Rock, you can be...you can be...hm. You can be Rock.  
  
Rock: Do I get to randomly shoot?  
  
Simon: Fine, if you use dummy rounds.  
  
(Everyone notices Utena is gone, then loud yelling is heard as a blur of red passes the two groups)  
  
Utena: I IS THE QUEEN OF OHIO!!!*Lands on stage as 'I Just Can't Wait to be King' begins playing*  
  
Aria: Utena-kun--[2]  
  
Duke Red: I love it when you say KUN!  
  
Aria: ???  
  
Utena: I'm gonna be a mighty QUEEN, so enemies beware--  
  
Dilandau: STOP IT! EVIL DISNEY MUSIC!*Kenichi's head catches fire*  
  
Kenichi: NOOOOOO!!!PAAAAIIIN!!!HEEEEELLLLP!  
  
(Silence)  
  
Simon: That's quite enough, Dilandau. *Dumps mega-gulp of coke on Kenichi's head, music stops*  
  
Kenichi: *Faint*  
  
(Tima walks up to Kenichi and bends over him.)  
  
Tima: Kenichi? Kenichi? Kenichi? Kenichi?  
  
(Kenichi awakens)  
  
Duke Red: WHERE IS MY LOVE?!WHY DOESN'T ANYONE LIKE ME?!  
  
('Return to Innocence' starts playing, and Aria sings it, with Rock doing the indian parts. Everyone is dancing new age style, and Tima is singing the word Kenichi.)  
  
Rock: *Chanting*  
  
Aria: Love...  
  
Everyone: Love...  
  
Aria: Devotion...  
  
Everyone: Devotion...  
  
Aria: Feeling...  
  
Everyone: Feeling...  
  
Aria: Emotion....  
  
Everyone: Emotion...  
  
Aria: Don't be afraid to be weak, don't be proud to be strong...just look into your heart, my friend, that will be the return to yourself...the return to innocence!  
  
Rock: *Chanting*  
  
Everyone: Return to innocence!  
  
Aria: If you want, then start to laugh, if you must, then start to cry, be yourself, don't turn, just believe in destiny, don't care what people say, just follow your own way, don't give up and lose the chance to return to innocence!  
  
Rock: *Chanting*  
  
Aria: That's not the beginning of the end, that's the return to innocence! The return to innocence...  
  
Rock*Even more chanting*  
  
Duke Red: *Silence*  
  
Aria: It's a return to innocence.  
  
Tima: Kenichi!  
  
Simon: We were brilliant! Except for Tima, of course.  
  
Tima: KENICHI! *Throws a bottle she got out of nowhere at Simon*  
  
Simon: !@#!@!^&*&*(!!!!  
  
(Silence)  
  
Duke Red: You did that...for me?  
  
Aria: I don't see anyone else that was complaining that nobody loved them, Duke-sama.  
  
Utena: Avast ye scurvy doggs, tommorow we practice. Do not be late, or I will run you through with a spork, arrr!  
  
(Silence)  
  
The next day...  
  
(Everyone is, miraculously, in costume, holding scripts.)  
  
Duke Red: Touga? I mean, Touga. Touga!! Ahhh, Touga. Anthy? Touga! Roses!  
  
Aria: Utena?  
  
Duke Red: Watering the roses, this late?  
  
Aria: I am the rose bride.  
  
Duke Red: *Smiles*  
  
Aria: *Smiles* I like your prince-dress.  
  
Duke Red: *Blushes and mumbles* Well, your outfit's kinda cute too...  
  
Dead Atlas: *Rot, fester, decompose, bloat*  
  
Utena: Are you sure you want to keep Atlas as Akio? He's beginning to smell. He's making me want to puke.  
  
Tima: *Walks up to Atlas' dead body* Kenichi?  
  
Dead Atlas: *Abdomen bursts open and stinks real bad*  
  
Tima: KENICHI! *Runs off to Kenichi*  
  
Simon: Well, he's all we've got...  
  
Kenichi: What's wrong?  
  
Tima: *Points to Atlas' dead body, whos stomach contents are now leaking onto the floor* Kenichi!  
  
Kenichi: Disgusting! *Brushes off his schoolgirl costume and puts on his wig and speaks in a high voice* Do you see the girl dressed as a prince?  
  
Dilandau: Hiya.  
  
Kenichi: AHHHHHH! *Runs away like a little girl*  
  
Dilandau: What's with him...?  
  
Tima: Kenichi!  
  
Rock: Hmm...call me! No, no, no.*Italian accent* Calla me! No. *Film Nior style* I walked up to her. Slow, predatory. I pointed jazilly with my fingers. 'Call me' I said. No, no! That's not it! *Throws his script at Simon*  
  
Simon: WHAT IS WITH EVERYONE TODAY?!?!  
  
Utena: *With green hair* Everyone get in their places! You know what I mean! Follow the directions in your scripts! Let's start at the scene where Utena speaks with Touga.  
  
(There is a mad scramble as everyone tries to find their spots)  
  
Dilandau: *Looking at Duke Red*It's really coming down.  
  
Duke Red: It'll stop soon...it's supposed to be scattered showers today.  
  
Dilandau: How long has it been...since we saw each other? Do you remember our promise to go to the planitarium? It's still on.  
  
Duke Red: Don't get the wrong idea!  
  
Dilandau: Wrong idea?  
  
Duke Red: I'm not how I used to be. I didn't follow you here. But I was suprised...I wouldn't have thought that you went to school here.  
  
Dilandau: And that outfit?  
  
Duke Red: To be prince. Since...*cringe* breaking up with you I have decided to live by my ideals.  
  
Dilandau: Here's to your high ideals.  
  
Duke Red: That ring...oh, I see. You're engaged to someone.  
  
Dilandau: This ring is what lead me to this school...the rose signet.  
  
Simon: Spectacular! Utena, are you ready to do the duel scene?  
  
Utena: Am I ever!  
  
Simon: Duke Red, you don't mind if Aria leaps on you and kisses you, do you?  
  
Duke Red: *Smiles* I don't mind.  
  
Simon: Good show. Let's practice the jump form firstly. Then we can move on to duel choreography and the kissing.  
  
Duke Red: Can't we do the kissing then the choreography? I mean, isn't it better to do things in order?  
  
Simon: I suppose so...can somebody please clean up Atlas' mess?  
  
(Everyone looks at Atlas' dead body from across the stage. His eyes are staring at them...a fly walks across one and a maggot crawls from the hole in his belly. There is silence.)  
  
Simon: Just...nevermind. You do know that it will be hard for Aria to kiss you with that nose, right?  
  
Duke Red: Excuse me, Simon? What was that you said about my nose? Because if you say anything more, you'll be joining Lamp in space.  
  
Simon: What are you talking about? I didn't say anything.  
  
Duke Red: Good.  
  
AN--What will become of Atlas' dead body? Will Tima say anything besides Kenichi? Speaking of Kenichi, will he survive all those scenes with Dilandau? Will Duke Red win Aria's heart? Will he survive the big scene that you don't know about (Or maybe do) where he has to *gasp* kiss Dilandau?! Will Rock find the perfect way to say 'Call me'? Will the play be a huge success(Most likely not...)? Stay tuned and find out, dear readers. The fun has just begun. Ohayoo gozaimasu, konnichiwa, konbanwa, sayonara and all those other crazy words,   
  
Anthy's Worst Fear  
  
[1] To check out the art book and see why Atlas was so happy to look at it, try going to the empty movement gallery. Go to yahoo and search for 'Empty movement'. It should be the first site on the list. When you get there, go to the gallerie and select 'Adolecence Apocalypse'. Click the submenu of your choice and look at the pictures. Uh-huh. Now you see what 'Ohhhh yheaaaa...' means.  
  
[2] Utena prefers to be refered to with the notive(Or whatever the thing is called) 'Kun' because she calls herself a prince. That connecty-notey thing is usually used for boys, and san for girls. Just thought I would clear that up. 


	4. Pringles Man and the Problematic Party

Into: Our heroes have gone through alot already--I wonder what will happen to them the rest of the second day! Where we last left our little group, they were getting ready to practice the duel scene. Everyone is very excited because live steel is going to be used, and the Duke is excited because a pretty teenage girl is going to leap on him and kiss him! Let's just hope everything goes well--opening night is in two days! That's not a very long time to prepare, let alone memorize...nevermind. Oh, well. On with the tale!  
  
Simon: Alright, I'm going to play the music, and you are going to do your version of the duel before we work on it any. Instead of live steel today, we are going to use funnoodles so you don't hurt each other. *Hands Utena a pink funnoodle and Duke Red a bright green one* Alright...when I start the music, follow your cues. Aaaaand--*Starts music*  
  
Duke Red: Don't hit your girlfriend!  
  
Utena: Girlfriend...? She's the rose bride. As the current winner of the duel...she is my.... Proprety!  
  
Duke Red: *almost roaring* PROPRETY?!  
  
Song: Schola Abstract I feel the Roaring Twenties within myself  
  
Duke Red: You really win her by winning the duel...don't her feelings matter? *Bops Utena's funnoodle with his*  
  
Song: Paralyzing Thoughts I feel the Roaring Twenties within myself  
  
Duke Red: ANSWER ME!!*Bops Utena's head*  
  
Song: The Ominous Tax-Guy  
  
Duke Red: Does everyone with this ring duel to win her?  
  
Song: I feel the Roaring Twenties within myself The Soul's Sorcerous Army  
  
Utena: Duke Red, stop! You're hurting me!!  
  
Song: Existence, Creation, Such wonderful pleasures, The Machine of Gears, Sanctification, Decadence...  
  
Duke Red: YOU DON'T UNDRESTAND!!*Bops Utena, who is in the fetal position, even more.*  
  
Simon: Woah, powerful stuff.  
  
Song: The incomplete history, The Shortcake-fiftybroom Machine The eternal miracle I believe in  
  
Utena: OWIE!!  
  
Song: The eternal fudge of blank I test.  
  
Duke Red: HOW COULD THERE BE A GIRL WHO WAS HAPPY ABOUT BEING WON IN A DUEL?!*Bops Utena some more*  
  
Utena: WAAAAHHHH!!  
  
Song: Ah, never ending history of the Roaring Twenties...Be reborn in me!  
  
Duke Red: I'll never lose to someone who hits a girl!!  
  
Utena: MERCY!!!  
  
Song: History eating me inside like a bad pasta  
  
Utena: *Stands up with her funnoodle glowing* Let's end this NOW, Dukie!  
  
Song: Ah, be reborn--Never ending history of the Roaring Twenties!  
  
Utena: This is it!! *Aria leaps in front of her* Aria, can you move?   
  
Song: "In my eyes, In my two hands, In my soda and value meal."  
  
Aria: If you don't have a good funnoodle, it's not a proper duel. *Leaps onto Duke Red and kisses him*  
  
Simon: NOT AGAIN!!  
  
Song: Be reborn! Be reborn! Be reborn! Be reborn!Be reborn! Be reborn! Be reborn! Of all the Roaring Twenties...That time! That room! Those clothes! I feel the Roaring Twenties within myself!!  
  
(Light eminates from Aria as the One True Funnoodle of Doom pokes out from her chest)  
  
Duke Red: A funnoodle...*Grabs the funnoodle and pulls it out, dressed in an even better costume. With the funnoodle and costume he attacks Utena, knocking her out cold*  
  
Song: Madness and Stupidity  
  
I feel the Roaring Twenties within myself  
  
The Science of Astrology  
  
: I feel the Roaring Twenties within myself  
  
The Lamented Art of Deco  
  
I feel the Roaring Twenties within myself  
  
An Economitical Antidote  
  
I feel the Roaring Twenties within myself  
  
Schola Abstract  
  
I feel the Roaring Twenties within myself!  
  
Simon: *Shuts off music* Let's keep that.  
  
Dilandau: That was spectacular, if I might say so myself!  
  
Kenichi: Way to go!  
  
Tima: Kenichi!  
  
Aria: Hi guys. *Is also dressed in a megacool costume* How'd you like it?  
  
Tima: Kenichi Kenichi! Kenichi Kenichi Kenichi? *Hands Aria a portfolio*  
  
Aria: *Eyes grow wide* Subway sandwhich ads?  
  
Tima: *Smiles brightly*Kenichi Kenichi! Kenichi Kenichi.  
  
(Silence)  
  
Aria: That's nice, Tima, but--  
  
(Everyone is silent as Detective Ban kicks open the auditorium door. He is wearing a superhero costume. Tima smiles even brighter and rushes to him.)  
  
Tima: Kenichi Kenichi!  
  
Detective Ban: That's right! From now on, I will be known as Pringles Man...and Tima will be my trusty sidekick, Subway Girl!!  
  
(Suprised gasps and Dramatic fanfare)  
  
Kenichi: Subway Girl and Pringles Man?  
  
(Dramatic fanfare)  
  
Duke Red: There is no way my daughter is going to be called SUBWAY GIRL!!  
  
(Dramatic fanfare)  
  
Kenichi: She's not your daughter!!  
  
Rock: Yhea!! She's not even human!  
  
Duke Red: Shut up!!  
  
Pringles Man: This is coming from a man with a large beakish nose who dresses like a 14 year old cross-dressing girl with pink hair...I guess we should call you 'Double-Crossdressing Pastel Bird-Girl Man'!!  
  
(Gag fanfare and Barbie shimmer noise)  
  
Duke Red: This is my costume!! AND DON'T YOU SAY ANYTHING MORE ABOUT MY NOSE!!  
  
Pringles Man: Come, Subway Girl! *Dramatic fanfare* Let us find the script and rewrite it so that there is space for us!  
  
Simon: Oh dear...  
  
(Pringles Man and Subway Girl take back all the scripts and hastilly rewrite them. This takes about three hours.)  
  
Pringles Man: There! Now Juri is not only an insecure lesbian with major issues...but Subway Girl *Dramatic fanfare* a girl who once weighed 300 Lbs at age 10 before going on the Subway diet by night! And of course, she fights crime side by side with me... PRINGLES MAN!!  
  
(Dramatic fanfare)  
  
Dilandau: Am I the only one who finds this extremely strange?  
  
Utena: It's...different.  
  
Aria: It's most certainly creative...  
  
Tima: Kenichi Kenichi!  
  
Simon: This script is getting way out of hand...and we only have the resources to do half of the script, Utena...  
  
Utena: Then we'll do the half we can.  
  
Rock: Why don't we just wing it, you know? Improv? We can still follow the script, but...you know...  
  
Simon: That's so crazy that it just might work!!  
  
Aria: Opening night is in two days, everyone. And look--It's almost 11:30!!  
  
(Silence)  
  
Utena: Um...I guess everyone's dissmissed...see ya all tomorrow!  
  
The next day...  
  
(Everyone is a bit groggy, but ready to practice. Simon, Kallikodda, and Milaura have been working all night (Or what was left of it) to put the scene up. It is a somewhat complicated looking scene, that looks like a tangle of red and white pipes and roses at random places. Atlas' dead body is still in the same place, and stinking somethind awful. It is adorned with air fresheners. Everyone is waiting patiently on the stage for instructions from Simon.)  
  
Simon: Today, we are going to look at your intros.  
  
Everyone: Ooooooh...  
  
Simon: I was thinking--Pringles Man?  
  
(Dramatic fanfare)  
  
Pringles Man: Yes?  
  
Simon: Why does it say 'Double-Crossdressing Pastel Bird-Girl Man' *Gag fanfare and Barbie shimmer noise* under the description for the lead part, Utena?  
  
Duke Red: *Glares*  
  
Pringles Man: Because I made it that way, you british idiot!  
  
Simon: OH, IT'S ON!! *Attacks Pringles Man*  
  
Pringles Man: MY TENDONS!!  
  
Simon: Glad I got the point across.*Sits in his seat* Duke Red, why don't you intoduce yourself?  
  
Duke Red: I...am an orphan. Torn from my parents in the scramble of who-knows-what, I was a princess lost to her country. But in time, I was found by Touga, whom dissapeared at one point. That is how...I came to Othori.  
  
('Airplane!' patent over-dramatic music)  
  
Simon: *Silence* Okay...Rock?  
  
Rock: They call me pimp master, the B-I-G D-O-GG!! Yhea, I walk the school, and I take my notes, but they be on my two-way, jigga man. With my sailor suit and lollypop, the ladies can't resist. Yo, Tenjou, where's my money?  
  
Duke Red: *A bit angry* I'm not a hooker!  
  
Rock: That's because you don't BELIEVE in yourself!!  
  
(Silence)  
  
Simon: Alright...Kenichi?  
  
Kenichi: I am a girl, a girl that any girl can be. But one thing does disturb me...how a girl has her eyes on me. I can try to forget, I can try to run away, but to torture this awful girl I have to stand and stay. I hate you...Juri.  
  
Simon: *Looks around* Kenichi, can you do Tima's description too? She's kinda...  
  
Kenichi: I know. *Clears throat* From the very roots of where miracles never reach, led astray by her young heart, is a girl, who has achieved more than most...she lost two hundred pounds on the subway diet. So, with her now perfect bod, she fights for her dreams...at Othori.  
  
('Airplane!' patent over-dramatic music)  
  
Tima: Kenichi!  
  
Simon: Aria, you next, na?  
  
Aria: Alright, Simon-sama. Just a moment. *Clears throat* I am Anthy Himemiya, the rose bride, an enigma. Owned, wanted, watched, used, and tossed aside for moments long as can be, my face is tear-stained, and my heart is torn beyond repair. Waiting for my prince I sit in the arms of the many, pulling at my skin, my very existance, biting and gnawing at the fragile layers that keep me alive. I am Anthy Himemiya, the rose bride, an enigma.  
  
(Silence, then sniffles)  
  
Simon: *Wiping eyes* That was...beautiful...  
  
Duke Red: Wonderful job, Aria!  
  
Aria: Thank you...  
  
Simon: If Dilandau can step foward, I would like him to--where is Dilandau?  
  
Aria: He's sick, Simon-sama. He contracted the flu.  
  
Simon: Then Utena can introduce herself. Utena?  
  
Utena: Right. KRATZZZZZZZZZZ!! I am Blingonly!  
  
(Silence)  
  
Simon: Did you take your ritalin today, Utena? For that matter, did Red take his Depakote? And Prozac? And other kind of Prozac?  
  
(Silence)  
  
Utena: No, I did not! Bouncy time!*bounces*  
  
Duke Red: I lost my pills! Really!  
  
Aria: Ne, what are we going to do now?  
  
Simon: Well, I don't know, since half the play is going to be improv. That should be interesting, really.  
  
(Silence)  
  
Pringles Man: Well, I say we all go to Stuart Anderson's and have ourselves a party!  
  
(Pleased mumbles)  
  
Aria: Yes! Then we can show Yuppie Duke Red man how to REALLY party!  
  
Utena: You don't know how to party, Aria! You have one watered down-shot of Bacardi and you fall asleep for fifteen minuets before we can continue with the thing!  
  
Aria: Because it is illegal for me to have full-drinks, Utena-kun. That's what my Genesis Lisence says. I can't handle them, anyway. I can still get wild.  
  
Duke Red: I know how to party!  
  
Flashback  
  
Duke Red: Scone?  
  
Random guy: Don't mind if I do.  
  
(silence)  
  
Duke Red: Here, have another.  
  
End Flashback  
  
Duke Red: *Silence*  
  
Simon: Let's go to SA's!!  
  
Everyone: YHEA!!  
  
Tima: Kenichi!  
  
15 minuets later...  
  
Hostess: Welcome to Stuart Andersons, party of...eight?  
  
(Mumbling)  
  
Hostess: Alright, right this way.  
  
(The group is seated and given menus.)  
  
Rock: Hmmm...I wonder how that onion thingy tastes...  
  
Utena: What is that?  
  
Rock: A large onion, I think.  
  
Utena: OOOOOOOOOOOOH....ONION....*Stares at the picture of the onion with big eyes*  
  
Rock: Utena? Oh, well.  
  
(The hostess walks up)  
  
Hostess: Orders?  
  
Kenichi: Just a second...Do you want this, Tima? It's really good.  
  
Tima: Kenichi...?  
  
Kenichi: It's a Daiquiri, Tima. It's like a bit of Juice and ice with some other really nice stuff.  
  
Tima: Kenichi! Kenichi Kenichi!  
  
Kenichi: You want the Mai Tai? Alright...since you're a robot, Tima, I figure you can have alcoholic drinks. They won't do anything to you. What do you want to eat?  
  
Tima: Kenichi!  
  
Kenichi: Huh?  
  
Tima: *Points to a picture of a steak* Kenichi!  
  
Kenichi: Ahhh, New York steak. A nice choice, Tima! I guess I'll have...hm. I'll have the Teriyaki Baked Salmon, please, extra brown sugar....and a lemonade, please.  
  
Rock: *Trying to pull his menu from Utena* I...want...I'll have a Full-Pound cut prime rib with....with...whisky pepper sauce....and Sautéed mushrooms....please...Oh...and a nice....big...glass....of SPRITE!  
  
Utena: Aya! *Menu flies from hands*  
  
Rock: Ha!  
  
Utena: I'll have two Wild West Onions, please. Thank you.  
  
(Silence)  
  
Aria: I'll have some cheesy garlic bread, an order of ranch-style chicken strips, coconut shrimp, and an orange juice mixed with vanilla ice cream and a little bit of pepper.  
  
(More Silence)  
  
Simon: Teriyaki chicken, please. That's all.  
  
Pringles Man: Ahh! Pringles Man *Dramatic fanfare* Wants a platter of potato skins! Yes!  
  
(Everyone turns to Duke Red, awaiting his order.)  
  
Duke Red: *Clears throat* I would like...your Mushroom and Bleu Filet and two lobster tails with extra butter, some Zucchini, a ceaser salad, and....a glass of water.  
  
(Silence)  
  
Aria: Ne, Duke-sama, how are you going to eat all of that?  
  
Utena: Ooooooh....that is a lot of food. But look at yourself, Aria!  
  
Aria: That is my daily requirement, Utena!  
  
Utena: Is not!  
  
Aria: Is too!  
  
(Silence)  
  
Rock: Hey, who's paying for this?  
  
(Everyone points to Simon)  
  
Simon: Why is it always me that pays? Why?  
  
Tima: Kenichi!  
  
(Nobody notices that the hostess left and is now returning with the drinks. She sets them in front of their respective owners.)  
  
Tima: Kenichi Kenichi! *Downs Mai Tai in one gulp* Keniiichi...  
  
Kenichi: You shouldn't do that, Tima! You drink it slowly!  
  
Tima: Kenichi?  
  
Kenichi: See? Watch--*Sips his lemonade slowly* Like that!  
  
Tima: Kenichi! *Smiles goofilly before playing with her fork*  
  
Kenichi: *Sigh*  
  
Duke Red: *Notices that there WAS a loaf on the table* Who ate the bread?  
  
(Silence)  
  
Rock: *Has bread crumbs all down his front*I may have, but I can't remember. So I didn't.   
  
Duke Red: Yes! Yes! You did eat the bread! I'm positive!  
  
Rock: I did not!  
  
Duke Red: You have bread crumbs all down your front, boy! You ate the bread, and we all know it. You are a criminal of the lowest type!  
  
Rock: So what if I ate the bread? I'd do it again if I had the chance!  
  
Duke Red: YOU DISGRACE!  
  
Rock: Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me.  
  
Duke Red: Since when do you quote products from Inspiration?  
  
Rock: Since you gave me that gift certificate!  
  
Hostess: Your food, people?  
  
Everyone: OH!  
  
(The hostess gives out the MANY plates and everyone begins to eat as Kenichi orders Tima another Mai Tai.)  
  
Aria: You know, Kenichi, I don't think you should let Tima have drinks like that.  
  
Kenichi: Why?  
  
Aria: Just...I don't know.  
  
Duke Red: So...Aria...Where are you from?  
  
Aria: East Mirrendiere, right out of Madrie county. Not far from Devistani, where my cousin lives.  
  
Duke Red: Ah.  
  
Utena: You know, Rock, the onion is a many-splendored thing...huh?  
  
(Utena's onion begins glowing and the the One Ring of Power plops out.)  
  
Utena: OOOOOH! I have a ring now!*Puts it on and goes invisible*  
  
Cool!  
  
Aria: That cannot be good, Utena-kun!  
  
Simon: That's the evil ring from Lord of the Rings!  
  
Aria: *Gasp*  
  
Kenichi: *Gasp*  
  
Rock: *Gasp*  
  
Pringles Man: *Gasp*  
  
Duke Red: *Gasp*  
  
Tima: KENICHI!!  
  
Utena: *Takes off ring and comes back* Wow.... What do we do with it?  
  
Simon: I think we're supposed to throw it into Mt. Doom, but that's going to have to wait untill after the play.  
  
Utena: *Nods* That was weird.  
  
Kenichi: Hey, did anyone see where Tima went?  
  
(Tima is at the bar with a bunch of college guys binge drinking an entire keg of beer.)  
  
Random college guys: CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! OOOOOOHHHH! SHE DID IT!  
  
Tima: Kenichi!  
  
Random college guy: Man, you are THE BOMB little girl!  
  
Tima: Kenichi Kenichi.  
  
Duke Red: WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY DAUGHTER?!?!?!?!  
  
Kenichi: Dude, she's not your daughter.  
  
Rock: Yhea, we told you that already.  
  
Duke Red: SHUT UP! Tima, are you alright?  
  
Tima: *Kicks Duke Red in the shin and runs away* Kenichi!  
  
Duke Red: Oh my gosh she's DRUNK!  
  
Rock: This is all your fault, Kenichi! Now she's an alcoholic!  
  
Kenichi: I didn't know...  
  
Aria: What's going on?  
  
Utena: Yhea!  
  
Kenichi: Tima drank a whole keg of beer!  
  
Utena: Awesome! She knows how to party!  
  
Kenichi: No, not awesome! She ran away!  
  
Simon: No worries! I have her.  
  
Utena: She's fast asleep!  
  
Simon: Yhea...she has the same reaction as Aria. But I'm afraid we have to put her in detox.  
  
Duke Red: How could this happen?!  
  
Utena: Very quickly?  
  
Duke Red: Let's just go back already...*Sigh*  
  
An: Wow, what a day! Our heroes have sure gone through alot both the day before and day after! I wonder what is going to happen tommorow, the day before the opening? Probably something horrible! Tima's already an alcoholic and a superhero, and Pringles Man is on the rise! Trouble trouble, problems problems! Find out what happens next chapter...! 


	5. the Ominious Nasty Skippable Chapter

Intro: It is the day before the play opens and everyone is nervous, even this far from the opening.(Which isn't really very far.) Many horrible things had already happened to our little group...I wonder how they'll pull through? Dilandau is still sick, but decides to come back anyway. He is dragging a bucket around with him.(This chapter is skippable)  
  
Warning: This chapter is rated for 'M' mature audiences who can handle stuff that's a little dirty. The part doesn't last that long, but it is kinda...well...limeish. Tima does something VERY OCC because of an accident...*Snicker*Talk about a father daughter relationship... and remember, this is a skippable chapter, It holds nothing to help the plot.  
  
Dilandau: Hi, everybody. *Throws up bile into his bucket* How's every little thing?  
  
(Silence)  
  
Simon: Dilandau, is that bug catching?  
  
Dilandau: No. *Throws up more* It's the Devistinian flu. *Coughs* You get it from bananas.  
  
Simon: Oh, okay.  
  
Aria: Dilandau-kun, do you need anything? *Hugs Dilandau*  
  
Duke Red: *Envy*  
  
Dilandau: No, no. I'm fine. *Throws up into bucket*  
  
Aria: Awww...I'll be here, kay?  
  
Dilandau: Yheahuh.  
  
Aria: I don't know what to do today.  
  
Rock: Me neither.  
  
Kenichi: Me neither. And Tima's in Detox with Detective Ban AKA Pringles Man *Dramatic fanfare* at her side...  
  
Aria: Let's play spin the bottle!  
  
(Silence)  
  
Simon: Alright. I call first!  
  
Rock: Dang it!  
  
(Everyone sits on the stage in a cricle. Aria produces a bottle out of nowhere, and places it in front of Simon, who positions it close as possible to the true center of the circle and spins it.)  
  
Simon: Come on...  
  
(The bottle lands on...Utena.)  
  
Simon: EEEEWW!  
  
Utena: Give mama some sugah! *Snogs Simon, who's supposed to be snogging her.*  
  
Simon: AHHH!   
  
Utena: *Smiles and releases Simon* My turn! *Spins bottle*  
  
(Utter silence as the bottle stops in slow mo on Rock)  
  
Utena: *EVEN LARGER SMILE* Rocky...  
  
Rock: Ummm...  
  
Utena: *Almost raping Rock* Yeeee haaa!  
  
Rock: NO!  
  
Duke Red: That's quite enough!!  
  
Utena: Awww...*Gets off of Rock and sits back in her spot*  
  
Rock: *Clears throat and spins bottle* Anyone but-- *The bottle lands on Kenichi*  
  
Kenichi: DISGUSTING!!  
  
Everyone but Rock and Kenichi: *Sinister laughter*  
  
Rock: Well...um...*Quickly kisses Kenichi on the cheek*  
  
Kenichi: GROSS!! *Rubs cheek furiously*  
  
Utena: *Holds up camera* Got it on film, baby!  
  
Rock: O.o  
  
Kenichi: O.o...*Spins bottle...it lands on Aria* Lucky me! *Quickly kisses Aria*  
  
Aria: Awww...here I go! *Spins the bottle as all the guys cross their fingers* Ah ha! *The bottle lands on Dilandau. Sighs of dissapointment can be heard.*  
  
Dilandau: Well?  
  
Aria: *Kisses Dilandau sweetly, then he throws up in his bucket*  
  
Dilandau: Thanks, Aria.  
  
Aria: *Smiles sweetly* Spin!  
  
Dilandau: *Spins bottle* Hmmmm...*The bottle lands on...Duke Red!* O.O  
  
Duke Red: This is absolutely--*Dilandau is right in front of him* What are you doing here?  
  
Dilandau: Hee hee...*Leaps on the Duke and kisses him passionately*  
  
Duke Red: MUUUUUUUUURRRRRRAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Aria: Wow...  
  
Kenichi: Why do I feel dirty?  
  
Dilandau: *Gets up, walks to his spot and throws up into his bucket* Yhea.  
  
Duke Red: *Traumatized* I don't think I want to play anymore.  
  
(Tima and Pringles Man walk in the door.)  
  
Tima: Hello, everyone.  
  
(Stunned glances and gasps)  
  
Duke Red: Tima...you said something besides Kenichi!  
  
Tima: Of course, silly!  
  
Duke Red: Come, sit here and play with us. Not you, Pringles Man. *Dramatic fanfare* Just my daughter.  
  
Tima: *Sits next to the Duke* The Detox people found out that I had a worm. They removed it and made me non-alchoholic then sent me back. Now I can talk!  
  
Duke Red: That's wonderful! *Spins bottle* Do you want to come home now? *The bottle lands on....hee hee hee...*  
  
(Gasps)  
  
Utena: THE BOTTLE LANDED ON TIMA!!! Gee, what are the odds?  
  
Duke Red: WHAT?!  
  
Tima: Ahh, spin the bottle! One of my favoritest games! Oh Dukie...  
  
Duke Red: Tima, don't look at me that way! Tima, I'm your father! TIMA!  
  
Tima: *Sly smile* Whatta ya, a virgin? *Climbs into the Duke's lap*  
  
Everyone: O.O  
  
Duke Red: Tima, get OFF!! I am your FATHER!!  
  
Tima: You're just scared...*Gropes the Duke in a very private area* you know you want it...*Kisses him seductively*  
  
Duke Red: TIMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*The exclimation marks are actually audible!*  
  
(500 miles away, birds are fleeing the scene.)  
  
Tima: Playtime, Dukie!  
  
Everyone: Wow...  
  
Duke Red: *Blushing scarlet*This is rape, you know! Rape, incest...underage rape, at that...Tima, I command you to get OFF! *Tries to push Tima off* I forgot...you're stronger than me! HELP! RAPE!  
  
Simon: Tima, get off of your father figure!  
  
Tima: Can't a girl have a little fun? *Is unbuttoning the Duke's shirt* Hee hee hee...  
  
Utena: Someone deactivate her!!  
  
Kenichi: I did NOT teach her that...she must have been on the net at one point...  
  
Rock: *Jumps foward and deactivates the crazed Tima* Woah... Kenichi, did you let her get on the internet?  
  
Kenichi: No...  
  
Pringles Man: I...accidentally loaded a...a sex machine program into her...while I was watching her Detox, I was using...  
  
Everyone: *Glares*  
  
Duke Red: *Mega traumatized* I knew I should have stayed upstairs today...*Buttons shirt*  
  
Aria: *Puts her arms around the Duke* Everything's going to be fine. Utena's going to remove the program.  
  
Duke Red: *Blank and smiling* Yheahuh...  
  
Dilandau: Duty calls, three o' clock tea!! *Throws up into bucket*  
  
Simon: We're never playing spin the bottle again...  
  
Rock: That was so...weird...seeing Tima cop a feel on the Duke... *Shiver* Well, at least that wasn't Tima Tima, and just robot Tima... but still....she looks like Tima! Ewww...  
  
Utena: I got it on camera!  
  
(Everyone is shocked)  
  
Rock: *Thinking, somewhat dazed and disgusted* You know, just close the chapter...  
  
An: Wow, what a suprise that was for the Duke! I don't think he wants to go anywhere near the android version of his daughter anymore, even if that program was removed. *Sigh* Well, I guess you're going to have to either wait for the next chapter (Which is most likely already out along with this one) or think about what Tima did to her father figure more closely. (If you can handle such a thing...eww...Vuong suggested that...ewww...) 


	6. Opening Night: Run Run away Run far, far...

Intro: Hundreds of people are lined up outside the Ziggurat Auditorium waiting to get in while Hundreds are already inside, waiting for the play to begin. The stage is lit quite mystic-ish, and there is an orchestra playing E-S. Posthumus' 'Nara' over and over and over. Backstage, our heroes are readying themselves for the big moment. Everyone is in costume, but not all the proper costumes. Utena is dressed like a pimp, Rock is in his sailor suit again, Tima is back online, speaking, and wearing a fem-bot outfit with the letters 'SG' on the front. Dilandau is still sick, but there anyway, and throwing up into a bucket which he had brought along. Simon is going to be the Narrator (A part which never existed before) and is dressed in a nice tuxedo that he stole while the Duke was changing into his costume. Pringles Man has dared to show himself again, even after the incident from the 'Last-chapter-that-maybe-you-read-but- maybe-did-not-because-it-is-quite-naughty'. The Randomness begins...  
  
Simon: Alright, is everyone ready? The play starts in five.  
  
Rock: This is awful! We hardly had enough time to prepare; and we don't even know what we're doing!!  
  
Kenichi: You know, what he's saying is very, very true.  
  
Simon: Kid, that's the way the world spins.  
  
Duke Red: MY SUIT!!  
  
Simon: Umm...EVERYBODY ON THE SET!!  
  
Aria: WAIT!! We need to throw the duds! Dilandau can't go on, he's too ill. We don't have a Touga. And what about Atlas? If we move him, then he'll....burst, probably. Or melt.  
  
Utena: Aria, mei Karriele, I'm gonna have to leave. Dilandau's beginning to foam at the mouth and shake alot, so I'm taking him to the hospital. You'll have to go on without me...  
  
Aria: Awww, now what am I gonna do?  
  
Simon: We're going to do the play! It really doesn't matter if they leave, this thing has to get off the ground!! EVERYONE ON THE SET!!  
  
(Whatever's left of the cast move onto the stage, behind the freshly-dropped curtain. They don't even know their lines or what they have to do first. Slowly, the curtain lifts, and there is a fanfare. The cast look at each other.)  
  
Audience: *Silence*  
  
Rock: It's hammer time!  
  
(The Orchestra begins playing 'U Can't Touch This'.)  
  
Kenichi: *Girlish voice* Word!  
  
Tima: *Flatly* We're down here in the hood, yo!  
  
Simon: Oh no...  
  
Rock: You can't touch this! My bullets hit you so hard, you fly like you've been hit with a metal guitar, I'm like Eminem, but doper, because I'm Rock...Hard Rock!!  
  
Simon: *Pounding head against wall* No no no...  
  
Tima: *Flatly*Hi! My name is huh...*Holding hand to ear while orchestra tries to play 'My Name Is'*  
  
Small portion of audience: My name is what...?  
  
Tima: My name is chicka chicka Miss Tima! Hi! My name is what? My name is who? My name is chicka chicka--  
  
Audience: Miss Tima!!  
  
Tima: *Flatly*Hi, high-lifes! You like bright lights? Wanna see me burn 5,000,000 watts in five secs? Wanna see what it does to you retina in a fast look my way? Try it, you'll see everything in the way TV looked in the stone age! You blind? Too bad. You can hear though, I'm phat. Subway, yo.  
  
Pringles Man: Hit it!! Page five!! Go up, Double-Crossdressing Pastel Bird-Girl Man!!  
  
(The orchestra begins playing 'It's Raining Men')  
  
Duke Red: Idiot!  
  
Pringles Man: Don't ruin the show!!  
  
Duke Red: *Sigh* What an indignity... Humidity's risin'   
  
Barometer's getting low   
  
According to all sources   
  
The street's the place to go   
  
Cos tonight for the first time   
  
Just about half past ten   
  
For the first time in history   
  
It's gonna start raining men  
  
Kenichi, Tima, Aria, and Duke Red in chorus line: It's raining men - Hallejulah   
  
It's raining men - Amen   
  
It's raining men - Hallejulah   
  
It's raining men - Amen   
  
It's raining men - Hallejulah   
  
It's raining men - Amen   
  
It's raining men - Hallejulah   
  
It's raining men - Amen   
  
Rock: *Trying to fight laughter* Okay!  
  
(The orchestra transitions from 'It's Raining Men' to 'Memories'. Aria walks up to the front of the stage.)  
  
Aria: Midnight...not a sound in my garden...has the moon lost her memory, she is smiling alone...in the lamp-light withered roses collect at my feet and the wind begins to moan...  
  
Memory...all alone in the moonlight...I can smile at my future...everything's beautiful there...where he holds me...my prince, my savior...the one who is engaged...  
  
(The music once again changes, this time to Tatu's 'All the Things She said')  
  
Kenichi and Tima: *Running into the lime-lite, both holding mics* All the things she said   
  
All the things she said   
  
Running through my head   
  
Running through my head   
  
Running through my head   
  
All the things she said   
  
All the things she said   
  
Running through my head   
  
Running through my head   
  
Running through my head   
  
This is quite enough!!  
  
Rest of cast: Huh? Huh?  
  
Tima and Kenichi: This is quite enough!  
  
Kenichi: I keep asking myself, wondering how   
  
I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out   
  
Wanna fly to a place where it's just I and me   
  
Nobody else so I can be free...  
  
Kenichi and Tima: All the things she said   
  
All the things she said   
  
Running through my head   
  
Running through my head   
  
Running through my head   
  
All the things she said   
  
All the things she said   
  
Running through my head   
  
Running through my head   
  
Running through my head   
  
This is quite enough!!  
  
Rest of cast: Huh? Huh?  
  
Tima and Kenichi: *Looking annoyed* THIS IS QUITE ENOUGH!!  
  
Tima: And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed   
  
They say it's my fault but I want her so much   
  
Wanna fly her away where the sun and rain   
  
Come in over my face, wash away all the shame   
  
When they stop and stare - don't worry me   
  
'Cause I'm feeling for her what she's not feeling for me   
  
I can try to pretend, I can try to forget   
  
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head !!  
  
(The music changes to 'On Broadway')  
  
Rock: They say the neon lights are bright on broadway   
  
They say there's always magic in the air   
  
But when you're walkin' down the street   
  
And you ain't had enough to eat   
  
The glitter rubs right off and you're nowhere   
  
Duke Red: That's if you're not like me, of course.  
  
Kenichi: Yhea, right, prince-girl.  
  
Duke Red: *With much feeling* They say the women treat you fine on broadway   
  
But lookin' at them just gives me the blues   
  
'cause you know they have bad STDs And there's no  
  
fine girl like Anthy around  
  
And even if she was there...well, Im lost for words.  
  
Pringles Man: Bird-Man can't rhyme for anything!  
  
Tima: *Again, with flatness* I'd like to see you lay a tune, Pringles Man.   
  
(Dramatic fanfare)  
  
Pringles Man: They say that I won't last too long on broadway   
  
I'll catch a grey hound bus for home they all say   
  
But they're dead wrong I know they are   
  
'cause I can play this here guitar   
  
And I won't quit till I'm a star on broadway   
  
Entire cast: BRODWAY!!!  
  
Duke Red: Isn't this Metropolis?  
  
(Silence then Dramatic Musical Introduction end pose, as in everyone kneeling and shaking their hands with big smiles on their faces. Curtain drops)  
  
Audience: *Rolling in isles with laughter*  
  
Simon: That was strange, to say the least. Oh, and Rock? If you can't rap, don't. Scene one begins in thirty seconds.  
  
(Mad scramble)  
  
Duke Red: What scene is this?  
  
Aria: I'm not sure...  
  
Rock: Let's just do what comes naturally...  
  
(Curtain lifts)  
  
Aria: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Rock: *To Kenichi* Call me!  
  
Kenichi: PERVERT! *Punches Rock*  
  
Duke Red: Oh no! PRINGLES MAN!*Dramatic fanfare* Come and...save Rock?  
  
Pringles Man: Yoho!  
  
Tima: Yeehee!  
  
Pringles Man: *Punches Rock* Yoho!  
  
Duke Red: *Snickering* Oh no!  
  
Tima: Uh-oh, time for Jerry Springer!  
  
(The scene changes, and Simon comes out as Jerry Springer. Nobody knows how the Jerry Springer scene was made possible, though.)  
  
Simon: Now, if everyone will sit down, I would like to start the show.  
  
(The cast sits)  
  
Rock: *To Kenichi* I hate you!  
  
Kenichi: You made my mother pregnant!  
  
Rock: You're a transexual Teddy Bear!  
  
Kenichi: HOW DARE YOU!  
  
Simon: Calm down, everyone! Let's sort out these problems in groups, shall we? So, Shiori and Rock, you were secret transexual gay lovers both leading enemy cults who had a love child named Chachi who died in a freak canned soup accident?  
  
Kenichi: DIE!  
  
(Chaos)  
  
Audience: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!  
  
Simon: Calm down!  
  
(Chaos ends)  
  
Simon: Now, we're going to want to talk about feelings. Shiori, how do you feel about Rock?  
  
Kenichi: I hate him! As do I hate my lesbian stalker, Juri! *Points to Tima*  
  
Tima: Kenichi, you hate me?  
  
Kenichi: No, Tima, my character hates your character--  
  
Tima: So you do hate me!  
  
Kenichi: That's not what I said!!  
  
Tima: *Begins crying oil tears again* Kenichi, you hate me!  
  
Kenichi: Tima, I do not hate you.  
  
Duke Red: He does hate you! He does! If you come with me, I'll love you forever...as a daughter, that is.  
  
Tima: You're not my father! But you are pretty handsome, sir.  
  
Duke Red: No! Not that way! . Tima, I love you! I'll always love you!  
  
Tima: Huh? But you just said...  
  
Kenichi: I don't hate you, Tima! I was trying to--  
  
Tima: What is going on?! I'm confused!  
  
Aria: Leave Tima alone already!  
  
(Silence)  
  
Tima: Who loves me?  
  
Duke Red and Kenichi: I DO!  
  
Tima: Huh? *Points to Duke Red's nose* You have a funny nose, sir.  
  
Duke Red: Tima!  
  
Tima: Can I smell it?  
  
(Even more silence)  
  
Tima: *Brings her face close to the Dukes'* Hmmm...  
  
(Soft alternative music can be heard playing)  
  
Duke Red: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! *Jumps into Aria's arms*  
  
Aria: *Blushes* Hi...  
  
Duke Red: Hi...  
  
Simon: It seems as if you are afraid of intimacy.  
  
Duke Red: She's my daughter!  
  
Rock and Kenichi: No she's not!  
  
Aria: You know, that's kinda true.  
  
Simon: A test! A test, I demand!  
  
Audience: A test! A test! A test!  
  
Aria: A date for the Duke! A date with Tima!!  
  
Duke Red: I can't believe this...  
  
Rock and Kenichi: A romanic dinner! right here!  
  
Aria: A dance amoungst my finest roses!  
  
Pringles Man: And a kiss!  
  
Audience: A kiss, a kiss!!  
  
Simon: And maybe even more!!  
  
Audience: *Wild Cheering* EVEN MORE!  
  
Duke Red: No! She's only so young, only this tall--  
  
Everyone: She's a robot!  
  
Tima: What's wrong with a kiss?  
  
Duke Red: *Blushing scarlet* I can do a fatherly kiss--  
  
Audience: WE WANT TOUNGE! WE WANT TOUNGE!  
  
(Kallikodd and Milaura, redheaded twins in plain blue jumpsuits, cart out a candlelit dinner and run backstage)  
  
Duke Red: *Sighs and grabs one of the Jerry Springer chairs, sitting at the table. Tima does the same.* Hi, Tima.  
  
Tima: Hello. Who are you?  
  
Duke Red: I am your father, Duke Red.  
  
Tima: Hello, father.  
  
Duke Red: I can't do this...  
  
Everyone: *Glares*  
  
Duke Red: So...I...um...Think.....y-you...a-a-are be-autiful.   
  
Tima: Thank you.  
  
Duke Red: *Disgusted sigh* Are you going to eat, my dear?  
  
Tima: No. I'm not hungry.  
  
Duke Red: Me neither.  
  
Tima: Would you like to share that dance, then?  
  
Duke Red: Fineyheawhateveryousay...*He and Tima stand, and the cast begins to whoop along with the audience*  
  
Aria: Hit it!  
  
(The orchestra begins to play 'Toki Ni Ai Wa')  
  
Duke Red: *Does his best to get into a waltz position with Tima* Try moving this way...  
  
Tima: Like this? *Moves a little foward*  
  
Duke Red: Yhea...now, just follow me...  
  
Aria: [1]This rose is our destiny, ripping us apart,   
  
our hands have been torn apart...  
  
Tima: Am I moving correctly?  
  
Duke Red: Yes, just try moving a little faster, verse by verse, and eventually you'll get it...  
  
Aria: Even when I sleep,  
  
as I embrace my thoughts and dreams for you,  
  
they reach to the ends of the world!  
  
Rock: You know, it's almost like she is Tima Tima, but not...  
  
Kenichi: I have no idea as to what you are talking about. *Dreamy sigh*  
  
Audience: *Dreamy sighs*  
  
Tima: Am I too short?  
  
Duke Red: No, you're just very young, that's all.  
  
Tima: Sir?  
  
Duke Red: Yes?  
  
Tima: Nevermind...  
  
Aria: At times, love is strong,  
  
so much it even wounds people's hearts, but Ah,  
  
in the midst of the courage that grants our dreams,  
  
a light always shines forth,  
  
becoming a single power...  
  
Simon: How romantic...  
  
Pringles Man: I was sooo wrong about that costume...it almost makes the Duke look like a prince! Tima's fembot costume even looks like the party dress of a princess...  
  
Simon: It's brilliant....  
  
(the lights go down even more, and a spotlight is put on the dancers)  
  
Audience member 1: It's almost like they're dancing in space...  
  
Audience member 2: The girl is short, but still...it's so beautiful! *Sniffle*  
  
Aria: This rose is our destiny, leading us  
  
to now meet once again.  
  
Because I've never forgotten  
  
our promise,  
  
I've finally made it this far!  
  
Duke Red: Tima, how are you doing?  
  
Tima: This is fun!  
  
Duke Red: I'm glad you're happy, my Tima!  
  
Aria: At times, love nobly seeks out,   
  
to pierce people's hearts. Ah  
  
The ones protected by the ones who protect  
  
They always shine forth  
  
To become a single power...  
  
Rock: Wow...man, I wish I had a girl...  
  
Kenichi: Too bad for you.  
  
Rock: Talk to me like that again and you'll be a makeshift sprinkler.  
  
Kenichi: Kay.  
  
Rock: You know, in fact, I wish that was me, dancing with father...  
  
Kenichi: Rock?  
  
Rock: Yhea?  
  
Kenichi: You're weird.  
  
Rock: Yheahuh.  
  
Duke Red: *Smiling brightly* Tima!  
  
Tima: *Smiling even brighter* Sir!  
  
Duke Red: *Spins Tima* I'm so happy!  
  
Tima: Sir?  
  
Duke Red: Yes?  
  
Tima: I love you!!  
  
Duke Red: ?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Aria: At times, love is strong,  
  
so much it even wounds people's hearts, but Ah  
  
in the midst of the courage that grants our dreams,  
  
a light always shines forth.  
  
Love is strong,  
  
so much so that it can move people's hearts, but Ah  
  
If we are together, then without a doubt  
  
we can change the world, and everything will  
  
become one power.  
  
(Music fades)  
  
Duke Red: *Faint and convulse*  
  
Simon: OH MY DEAR GOODNESS THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!!  
  
Rock: Father! *Runs to the Duke's side* Father?  
  
Aria: The audience loved that!  
  
Audience: *Cheering so loud that you can hardly hear anything besides them*  
  
Duke Red: *Awakens* That's it! *Whistles, and a beautiful white car breaks in from backstage and parks itself onstage* I'm leaving! *Grabs Aria and throws her into the car.* Tima! Rock! We're leaving!  
  
Tima: Coming, sir!  
  
Rock: Be right there!  
  
(Tima and Rock climb into the car, and the Duke takes the driver's seat)  
  
Duke Red: Let's go...away from this place!! *Turns the key and speeds off the stage and down the main isle*  
  
Audience: OOOOOOHHH....AHHHHHH....  
  
Simon: He stole my Diva! Pringles Man, *Dramatic fanfare* To the Simonmobile!!  
  
(Pringles Man and Simon run offstage and come back onstage with a black Mercedes convertable)  
  
Simon: Kenichi! Get in!  
  
Kenichi: Um...okay! *Jumps in back seat, then the Simonmobile takes off down the main isle*  
  
Audience: What now?  
  
Audience member 3: Let's raid the stage!  
  
Audience: Okay!  
  
(The audience raid the stage only to find the dead body of Atlas)  
  
Audience: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!  
  
Meanwhile....  
  
Aria: Where are you taking me?!  
  
Duke Red: To my secret mansion in Hawaii. But first, we have to get to the airport.  
  
Rock: Yhea! Hawaii!  
  
Tima: What's Hawaii?  
  
Aria: A very nice place to live. Hey, isn't that Simon's car?  
  
(In Simon's car)  
  
Simon: We almost have them!!  
  
Kenichi: What do we do now?  
  
Pringles Man: Follow them, m'boy! There's nothing we can do right now.  
  
Simon: Steal my Diva, will you? I'll show you Divanapping...  
  
AN: Oh my!! The play was a hit, even if the script was discarded, and everything was going fine untill the Duke lost it! Goodness... nobody knew anything like this would happen. Well, all we can do is wait untill the next chapter is released, then we will know what happens to our now-not-all-heroes-group of heroes. *Sigh* You're just lucky this doesn't happen at any of your plays...  
  
[1] This song is supposed to be Japanese, but I guess the words have more impact if you know what the words mean. Isn't it sweet? 


	7. What Dreams May Come Part One

AN: This chapter is questionable. Highly. Mostly because the plot in this one was headed by none other than AWF's resident weirdo/oversensitive nice girl, Vuong. Yes, an asian girl who loves Jack in the Box buttermilk sauce and anything remotely resembling a misunderstood villan. (She practically begged to write the Chapter Storyline.)Teri-Lyn and Rudin are not held responsible for any trauma sustained. They went to Ala Moana. (Me, Ayana typed the actual chapter. Vuong created it.) Be on the lookout for very shonen ai/yaoish content.  
  
*******************************  
  
Let's put weird and weird together,   
  
and make it even weirder!   
  
Weird, weird space is   
  
super-weird!  
  
This vast space is   
  
unbearably strange.   
  
Nonsensical things happen on   
  
an everyday basis.   
  
Even so, we mustn't be surprised.   
  
Let's calm down and talk about it.   
  
Hold on. What? What?   
  
Something's weird!   
  
Hold on. What? What? Something's   
  
surely a little weird!   
  
If it isn't weird, it won't be fun.   
  
If you act like it's no big deal,   
  
it'll be too ordinary.   
  
Let's put weird and weird together,   
  
and make it even weirder!   
  
Weird, weird space is   
  
super-weird!   
  
--Uchuu wa Taihen da!(Space is Super Weird!), Urusei Yatsura  
  
*******************************  
  
Intro: When we last left everyone, they were running...after and from each other. The Duke's party headed for the airport (And eventually lost their tail) Whereas Simon's group ended up crashing into several telephone poles. Dilandau is still in the hospital with Utena by his side. Let's see what Aria, the Duke and--what? They're all asleep? Oh, well. Then let's see what they're dreaming of!  
  
~*Aria's Dream*~  
  
Mysterious voice: Aria...  
  
Aria: Hmm?  
  
Mysterious voice:*Louder* Aria...   
  
Aria: What?  
  
Mysterious Voice: *Right behind her* ARIA!!  
  
Aria: ?!?!?!?! *Turns around to see Duke Red dressed in some sort of weird Greek clothy thing. He has a crown of buttermilk sauce containers on his head* D-Duke Red?  
  
???: I am not Duke Red, my dear child. I am the...GREEK GOD OF JACK IN THE BOX BUTTERMILK HOUSE SAUCE!!! You may call me Butters.  
  
Aria: Alright...why are you here?  
  
Butters: Alas, I have lost my daughter, the goddess of Onion Rings. Her name is...Onia.  
  
Aria: Onia.  
  
Butters: Yes. She was taken by the god of *Gasp* Dr.Pepper...DR.PEPPER!! *Dun dun DUN!*  
  
Aria: *Raises eyebrow* I see...and does he have a medical degree?  
  
Butters: Oh, yes. He has his doctoral degree in plastic surgery..  
  
Aria: O_o;;  
  
Butters: But you must save my daughter!  
  
Aria: Alright then...where is...Dr.Pepper?  
  
Butters: He has a consultation office in Hades' "EXTREMELY DARK AND EVIL UNDERWORLD OF MUCH DEATH AND DEPRESSING THINGS....AND EVIL!" It's right near the giant three headed dog, can't miss it. I fear that he has my beautiful little girl as his nurse!  
  
Aria: Right...I'll be going now...  
  
***************************************  
  
~*Duke Red's Dream*~  
  
(Fade into typical couple-running-in-meadow-scene, with Aria and Duke Red running twoard each other. Smiling widely, they embrace tightly and fall into the beautiful field of white wildflowers.)  
  
Duke Red: Oh, Aria, my love, my one and only, I wish to be with you always and forever, like our love!  
  
Aria: I just love your melodramatic run-on sentences!  
  
Duke Red: You are so adorable! Even if I met you just a few days ago and kidnapped you, you still love me so!  
  
Aria: Let's snog!  
  
(Just as the happy couple is about to make out, the sky darkens and a large disk looking suspiciously like an oreo cookie appears over the field.)  
  
Duke Red: What's that!?  
  
Aria: I don't know!  
  
(A light comes from the disk, right upon Aria. She floats up to the disk.)  
  
Aria: Oh no! The aliens are abducting me!  
  
Duke Red: NOOO! ARIA!!  
  
Aria: I LOVE YOU!  
  
Duke Red: OH NO!!  
  
(Aria dissapears into the disk, and a voice booms from it.)  
  
???: HAHAHAHAHA!! I HAVE TAKEN YOUR GREATEST LOVE AGAIN, FATHER!! MUHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Duke Red: ROCK, YOU DIRTY LITTLE SON-OF-A-DOG'S DAUGHTER!!  
  
Rock: YOU CAN KISS MY TIGHT LITTLE KISSABLE TUSHIE...LITERALLY!  
  
Duke Red: #@$!$%#%$^#%%$@#%%&%^$%(&(%^#$%@^%^%$*$&$%^&%&$%%^y#@$#%^!!!!!!  
  
Rock: WOAH...SAVE IT FOR YOUR DEATHBED!!  
  
Duke Red: I will avenge Aria!  
  
(The disk dissapears and a light comes from above. As it comes closer, Duke Red notices that it is Tima. She is in a white gown with a halo over her head. She has large golden dove's wings.)  
  
Tima: Father, you must stop Rock and his Insane Alien Posse from taking everyone you love to the sun!  
  
Duke Red: But I'm the king of the world! I love everyone!  
  
Tima: That's why you must destroy Rock and his giant oreo cookie...or THE SUN ITSELF!!  
  
Duke Red: Rock is the king of the sun?!  
  
Tima: Yes. Rock is the king of the sun. He will make everyone a slave on the sun, and they will make red shirts for him forever!!!  
  
Duke Red: NOOOO!  
  
Tima: That's not all. He plans to make you...  
  
Duke Red: Yes?  
  
Tima: Make you...  
  
Duke Red: YES?  
  
Tima: HE PLANS TO MAKE YOU QUEEN OF THE SUN!!!  
  
Duke Red: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD, NOT THE QUEEN OF THE SUN!!  
  
****************************  
  
~*Tima's Dream*~  
  
(Tima is dancing with Kenichi. This goes on for hours.)  
  
***************************  
  
~*Rock's Dream*~  
  
(The setting is a very snazzy penthouse. A fire is going in the fireplace, and the lights are down low. Jazz is heard playing softly...but we can's really see Rock...)  
  
Rock: Oh, I am SO hungry! I think I'll order a pizza!  
  
(Rock, instead of being a sixteen year old boy, is now a very busty twenty-two year old woman with long brown hair. He/she is wearing a very revealing red dress and a silver Marduk pendant. He/she makes his/her way to the phone and dials the pizza guy.)  
  
Rock: Hello? I'd like a small pepperoni pizza, please. Thank you.  
  
(Rock giggles and goes to rest on the couch.)  
  
Rock: I'm very hungry indeed!  
  
(Ten minuets later there is a knock at the door, and Rock goes to answer it. It is the pizza guy, who just so happens to be...Duke Red!!)  
  
Rock: My, aren't you handsome!  
  
Duke Red the pizza guy: That'll be $12.75, please.  
  
Rock: Oh, why don't you come in? I can give you much more.  
  
Duke Red the pizza guy: Much...more?  
  
Rock: Yes...*Puffs out his chest*  
  
Duke Red the pizza guy: Much more...ohh...*Comes into the penthouse*  
  
Rock: *Touches Duke Red the pizza guy seductively* Let me...slip into something more...comfy. *Walks into room, changes, and comes to see Duke Red looking out a window. Rock touches his shoulder.* Um...Pizza guy?  
  
Duke Red the pizza guy: I'm not the pizza guy....*Turns around, now with Tima's face* I'm Tima 2.0!!  
  
Rock: AHHHHHHHHHH! *Runs lickety-split out of the room*  
  
Tima 2.0 the pizza guy: Wait big brother! I wanna play!  
  
Rock: NOOOOOOOOO!!*Slowly warps back into a boy but is still running down the hall. He stops when he sees two little girls standing at the end of the hall. They look like Tima, but they have red hair.* Who are you?  
  
Girl one: I'm Kalikodda.  
  
Girl two: And I'm Milaura.  
  
Both: And we are not human. *Heads spin all the way around and they take out knives* Come on Rock...come closer!  
  
Rock: DEMON ROBOT GIRLS WITH KNIVES! NOOOO!*scary music begins playing and Rock runs away from the girls, only to bump into Tima 2.0 the pizza guy.* AHHHHHHHHHH!!!*Runs into another hall and into another door, finding that he is in a wedding ceremony. Everyone is looking at him, and he finds that he had changed back into the girl and is in a very pretty ivory wedding gown.* Sweet! *Walks down the isle*  
  
******************************************  
  
~*Aria's Dream*~  
  
Aria: *Looks at medical office building/hospital next to giant three-headed dog* This must be the place. *Walks in and goes to the receptionist* Where is Dr.Pepper's office?  
  
Receptionist: The entire top floor, miss.  
  
Aria: Thank you. *Makes her way to the elevator and gets in. The ride is very short. Upon getting out of the elevator, Aria notices Dr.Pepper and Onia, who look like Rock and Tima.* Hello?  
  
Dr.Pepper: Hello, young lady. May I interest you in a pigment transplant?  
  
Aria: No thank you. I'm here to take Onia, actually.  
  
Onia: Yay!  
  
Dr.Pepper: I'm sorry, I can't let you do that. I'm holding her ransom.  
  
Aria: For what?  
  
Dr.Pepper: If Butters wants his daughter to go free, then he has to replace her as my nurse.  
  
Aria: That is sick and wrong.  
  
Dr.Pepper: No it is not. You see, I used to be his assistant, until I got my degree. Now he has disowned me and loves his daughter more.  
  
Aria: Umm...maybe he loves his daughter more because he's known her longer?  
  
Dr.Pepper: Blasphemy!  
  
Aria: Are you using that word correctly?  
  
Dr.Pepper: I'm not sure...  
  
Onia: Yay!  
  
Aria: You know, Du-I mean, Butters isn't 'That type of guy'.  
  
Dr.Pepper: What are you talking about?  
  
Aria: Butters is straight.  
  
Dr.Pepper: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I refuse to believe it!  
  
Aria: *Sigh* Just give me the girl.  
  
Onia: Yay!  
  
Dr.Pepper: Wait! I have an idea! *Runs into the OR and there is lots of screaming and unpleasant noises*  
  
Aria: What's he doing?!  
  
Onia: Yay!  
  
(Dr.Pepper comes out of the OR a woman. He did sex-change surgery on himself.)  
  
Aria: O_O;;  
  
Onia: Yay!  
  
Aria: O_O;;  
  
Rock: *Woman's voice* Born to PARTY!  
  
Aria: Now I know why this place is called Hades' "EXTREMELY DARK AND EVIL UNDERWORLD OF MUCH DEATH AND DEPRESSING THINGS....AND EVIL!"  
  
Onia: Yay!  
  
************************************  
  
~*Duke Red's Dream*~  
  
(Duke Red is sobbing next to Tima, who is patting him on the back.)  
  
Tima: There, there, daddy. We will make a plan so that we can stop Rock from taking all of the people in the world to the sun and making them slaves.  
  
Duke Red: My poor Aria! My poor, beautiful, lovely, wonderful, amazing, spectacular, ravishing, irresistable, beuatiful Aria!  
  
Tima: Ah! I have a plan now. You can pretend to surrender to Rock then take out his kingdom from the inside out!  
  
Duke Red: Are you saying I should become the queen of the sun then destroy the sun empire then come back to earth, marry Aria, and create another you?  
  
Tima: Exactly!  
  
Duke Red: Ingenious! Let's do it!  
  
Tima: Wait! First I have to give you some weapons, a black trenchcoat and sunglassess.  
  
Duke Red: Why?   
  
Tima: You'll see.  
  
(An hour later Duke Red is ready. He stands in the center of the field with his baggage.)  
  
Duke Red: *Flatly* Oh, Rock. I cannot resist you much longer. Come anrd whisk me away to the sun.  
  
(The oreo cookie appears, and beams Duke Red up, where there is a camera crew and a wedding ceremony. Rock is waiting at the altar.)  
  
Duke Red: You have GOT to be kidding me...*Is hurridly dressed in a wedding gown.*  
  
Rock: He's so...beautiful!  
  
(The wedding march starts to play and Duke Red walks down the isle, mumbling swear words. When he arrives at the alter, he notices that Simon Cowell is the priest.)  
  
Simon: We are gathered here today to celebrate the joining of two hearts in wedded bliss. Duke Red and King Rock have been together for some time now and have revealed their true feelings for each other only now. King Rock, do you take Duke Red to be your lawfully wedded queen?  
  
Rock: *With tears of joy* I do!  
  
Simon: Do you, Duke Red, take King Rock to be your lawfully wedded king?  
  
Duke Red: *Beginning to sweat* I...I...  
  
Tima: I object! *Is dressed in a black trenchcoat and sunglasses, but still has her wings and halo. She is carrying two very large machine guns...for some reason, music from 'The Matrix' begins to play.*  
  
Duke Red: T-Tima!  
  
Tima: Ya got that right! Get over here and change!  
  
(Duke Red quickly grabs his luggage, goes into a restroom, and comes out in the same attire as Tima.)  
  
Duke Red: Hasta la vista, baby!*Begins to shoot jelly bean bullets*  
  
Tima: ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH! *Is shooting like crazy* You'll never take me alive...because I'm already dead!!  
  
Rock: *Is shot* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Duke Red and Tima: LET'S BLOW THIS POPSICLE STAND!!*They go off to find Aria*  
  
********************************  
  
~*Tima's Dream*~  
  
(A non-stop feed of her dancing the macarena with Kenichi.)  
  
*******************************  
  
~*Rock's Dream*~  
  
Rock: *Arrives at the alter* This is the happiest day of my life!  
  
(The groom comes back from the restroom, and it's....KENICHI! Spooky music begins to play.)  
  
Rock: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Kenichi: What's wrong, Tima?  
  
(Rock looks at his reflection in a glass of water that the priest has...he is Tima! And the priest is...Tima!!)  
  
Rock: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!  
  
(Duke Red comes out of the bathroom,. and Aria comes from the opposite bathroom.)  
  
Duke Red: Did you know this was a double wedding?  
  
Rock: NOOOOOOOOO!! FAAAAAAAATHER! I LOOOOOOOOVE YOUUUUUUUUU!!  
  
Aria: I love you, Duke Red!  
  
Duke Red: I love you, Aria! Just like I love my DAUGHTER and brand new SON-IN-LAW which I LOVE so much!! *The NEW Red family hugs lovingly*  
  
Rock: HE LOVES HIS SON-IN-LAW MORE THAN ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!NOOOOOOOO!!*Rock turns around to see that all the wedding guests looks like Tima, Kenichi, and Aria.* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
(Suddenly, Rock is isolated in the middle of a dark room. In front of him are Tima, Kenichi, Aria, and Duke Red. They are hugging each other and smiling alot, and Rock tires to run to them, but he won't move. They slowly move farther and farther away.)  
  
The new Red family: *Singing to each other* I love you, you love me, we're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too!  
  
Rock: FAAAAAATHER!!  
  
(Lots of Timas surround him, and the family is no longer there.)  
  
The Timas: He doesn't love you Rock...  
  
Rock: Y-Yes he does!!  
  
The Timas: You aren't his son...and he knows...he remembers how you played a part in my death....you naughty, naughty boy...  
  
Rock: I am his son...and it wasn't my fault!  
  
The Timas: Liar...*The Timas turn into Arias*  
  
The Arias: You remember every detail clearly. So...  
  
Rock: So...  
  
The Arias: When did you begin to be romanticly attracted to 'Your father'?  
  
Rock: I was...hey, that's personal!  
  
The Arias: He'll never love you that way...you're a boy...a bad, bad little boy with a thirst for blood. *All the Arias turn into Kenichis*  
  
The Kenichis: I like pepperspray. *All the Kenichis turn into Duke Reds*  
  
The Duke Reds: YOU ARE A VERY BAD BOY ROCK. YOU KILL TOO MUCH...THEREFORE, YOU MUST BE KILLED.  
  
Rock: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!  
  
(The Duke Reds open a giant door revealing none other than...BARNEY THE DINOSAUR!!! He is holding a tape player that is looping 'It's a Small World After All')  
  
Rock: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
The Duke Reds: *Chanting* YOU ARE A VERY BAD BOY. YOU ARE A VERY BAD BOY. YOU ARE A VERY BAD BOY.  
  
Barney: Let's play a game!  
  
Rock: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  
  
************************************  
  
AN: Well? How was it? We would highly appreciate any insight, for AWF is dedicated to bringing insane humor to the masses and want it to be at its best. The dreams will continue next chappy.  
  
Oh! And another thing. There is a great old Anime called Urusei Yatsura that's over twenty years old. By what I see, it's beggining to die. So, if you can, try to find a rental copy or a fansub that you can watch. Who knows? You may like it and decide to become a fan, preserving its memory. 


	8. What Dreams May Come par two: All Your B...

AN: Welcome to chapter eight, part two of the ominous 'What Dreams May Come' chapter. Don't expect any sanity, this is just as if not even more insane than the last chapter. Well...what are you waiting for? Read!  
  
*****************************  
  
Now it's time for me to tell you about Young Nastyman,  
  
Archrival and nemesis of Wonderboy, with powers comparable to Wonderboy.  
  
What powers you ask? I dunno how 'bout the power of flight?  
  
That do anything for ya? That's levitation, holmes.  
  
How 'bout the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away...  
  
With mind bullets! That's telekinesis, Kyle.  
  
How 'bout the power...to move you?-  
  
--Wonderboy, Tenacious D  
  
****************************  
  
Intro: When we last left our group, they were dreaming, not at all very pleasantly...let's continue watching their subconcious.  
  
~*Aria's Dream*~  
  
(Aria, Onia, and Dr.Pepper are at the door of Butter's Amazingly Large and Elegant Greek Mansion Thingy. Aria knocks, and Butters answers.)  
  
Butters: Hello, Aria! Oh, IT'S ONIA! *Throws his arms around Onia*  
  
Onia: Yay! Daddy!  
  
Dr.Pepper: Hello there.  
  
Butters: Oh, hi.  
  
Dr.Pepper: Um...*Lifts his/her skirt extremely quickly*  
  
Butters: Onia, I'm so glad you're back!  
  
Dr.Pepper: GYAHHHHH! *Leaps onto Butters* FALL IN LOVE WITH ME!  
  
Aria: O_O;;  
  
Butters: Miss, GET OFF!  
  
Aria: Duke Red is extremely vulnrable to rape both in the dreamscape and in real life...could this be a sign?  
  
Onia: Yay!  
  
Butters: HELP ME!!  
  
Dr.Pepper: I LOVE YOU! I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU!  
  
Butters: WHO ARE YOU?  
  
Dr.Pepper: DR.PEPPER!!  
  
Onia: Yay!  
  
Aria: Dr.Pepper, get off of Butters, please?  
  
Dr.Pepper: *Gets off of Butters* I'm sorry.  
  
Butters: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!*Runs into his house, grabbing Onia, shutting the door and locking it. Dr.Pepper breaks down in tears.*  
  
Dr.Pepper: HE'LL NEVER LOVE ME!  
  
Aria: Wow, how long did it take you to figure that out?  
  
Onia: *Yelling from inside the house* Yay!  
  
Aria: @_@;;  
  
****************************************  
  
~*Duke Red's Dream*~  
  
(Duke Red and Tima find Aria in a broom closet. They quickly grab her and get out of the oreo cookie using an escape pod.)  
  
Tima: Wow...we did it!  
  
Aria:Oh,Dukie,IwassoworriedthatyouwouldnotcomeandrescuemebutdeepdowninsideIknewyouwouldevenifitmeantalmostgettingmarriedtoaboybutitallcameoutfineintheendrightandwecangetmarried!  
  
Duke Red: *Nods* We'll have a wedding with all sorts of nice things, Aria! Then we can 'Create' another Tima, if you take my meaning...  
  
Tima: Ohhh, I'm going to be a dead big sister! Whoot!  
  
Aria: I'm so happy!  
  
(All of a sudden, a very loud metallic connecting sound is heard. Through the airlock comes none other than...KING ROCK!!*Gasp*)  
  
Rock: I'm going to make you love me!  
  
Aria: You stay away from him!!*Sad, almost etherial music begins playing as Aria is shot in slow motion with a jelly bean bullet from Rock, who had quickly drawn his gun*  
  
Duke Red: *Slow motion* NOOOOOOOOOOOO AAAAAAAAARIIIIIIIIAAAAAAA!!  
  
Rock: *Slow motion* IIIIIIIIIIIII DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!  
  
(The slow motion sequence ends)  
  
Rock: All your love are belong to I!!  
  
Duke Red: Understand the speech of Lock I not doing for the nature!  
  
Rock: Wish honestly convey best thanks to others. Wish to be tender to others but serve to oneself. Wish to love from one's heart bottom.  
  
Duke Red: My friend is dead on monday! It was a sunny day! Every day I polish my DYNAMITE and shoot myself in the head. Like Lock.  
  
Rock: It is more than father I love life itself! Now you will get married!  
  
Duke Red: What?  
  
Rock: Depending upon me we want getting married with me! Father? What I saying is said cannot be found! As for me dearly, we want loving me! It is not hard to understand.  
  
Duke Red: Fool! I understanding word of the thing which is said is not possible! Get married with us no I?  
  
Rock: I love, therefore I killed the girl of that fool! That we will get married, you are trying, that it is delightful are possible and being to be thing, now come here, kiss to me!  
  
Duke Red: I do not think that we would like to kiss!  
  
Rock: It is what? As for us there is love, therefore we should show that through physical contact! Is intimacy feared?  
  
Duke Red: You dearly there is no I! I did 1 point namely then with you being killed the Tima which perhaps is obtained as a son! Now I hate you! The Ohio state my merit, I understood you!   
  
Rock: We like the , were meant because it is simultaneous, the flower valve of single red rose! You become the father, dearly, touch me, and, the hole which is I is takes! I get married as for you me... dearly, as for me you say you are loved completely, being to have known as fact the hole which is gotten angry with me it is being, how, tonight, as for us!  
  
Duke Red: I do not touch that never you like in you! Actually, as for me it does not touch you at everything! You me seem that will be been boring!   
  
Rock: The father, as for me being able to lay down we would like to go with you!   
  
Duke Red: You as for the boy who is obstructed very, you it is that you have known?   
  
Rock: I am excited fairness seriously!  
  
Tima: Ummm...when will I be paid attention to?  
  
******************************************************  
  
~*Tima's Dream*~  
  
(Still dancing)  
  
*****************************************************  
  
~*Rock's Dream*~  
  
(Rock is cowering from Barney, and all the Duke Reds are all silent now.)  
  
Rock:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(A loud explosion rings out, and Rock spots a light from the celing...it looks like a boy his age with...wings?)  
  
Rock: Who are you?!  
  
(The figure comes closer, and makes Barney and the Duke Reds dissapear.)  
  
???: I am Wonderboy!  
  
Rock: What the hell?!*Upon a closer look, Rock notices that Wonderboy is a teen version of...you guessed it.* F...father?  
  
Wonderboy: I'm not your father, Young Nastyman! I am Wonderboy!  
  
Rock: You saved me!  
  
Wonderboy: I know.  
  
Rock: My name is Rock.  
  
Wonderboy: Oh, is it?  
  
Rock: Um...you can fly.  
  
Wonderboy: I've noticed.  
  
Rock: Can you get me out of here?  
  
Wonderboy: Alright, Young Nastyman! *Wonderboy picks up Rock*  
  
Rock: My name is Rock.  
  
Wonderboy: Oh, is it?*Flies out of the isolation room very quickly and into some kind of weird lava lamp seventies groovy world*  
  
Rock: Where exactly are we?  
  
Wonderboy: In your world!  
  
Rock: This is...Trippy.  
  
Wonderboy: I've noticed.  
  
Rock: So...what now?  
  
Wonderboy: Let's go eat.  
  
Rock: I don't see any places to--  
  
(A KFC falls from the sky)  
  
Rock: Oh, okay. *Rock and Wonderboy walk into the KFC, which is a buffet* Woah! *Raids the chicken wings*  
  
Wonderboy: Don't eat too many of those, Young Nastyman! They're spicy!  
  
Rock: My name is Rock!  
  
Wonderboy: Oh, is it? I've never seen anyone eat so many chicken wings...  
  
Rock: I know you're him...  
  
Wonderboy: Who?   
  
Rock: Duke Red.  
  
Duke Red: Aww, man. I thought nobody would notice if I pretended to be someone else...  
  
Rock: I like you as Duke Red.  
  
Duke Red: *Smiles, green eyes sparkling anime love scene style with shimmery pink things floating around him*Really?  
  
Rock: Really. *Smiles*  
  
(They kiss...O_O;;)  
  
Rock: I've found true happieness!  
  
****************************************  
  
(Aria wakes up)  
  
Aria: That was...weird. *Sees everyone sleeping* I'm going to Denny's. *Dresses and leaves as Rock mumbles pervertedly in his sleep*  
  
Duke Red: *In sleep* All your..are belong......to us.......ZZZZZZZZZZZ  
  
Rock: Mmnmmmm....  
  
****************************************  
  
~*Duke Red's Dream*~  
  
Tima: Hello?  
  
Duke Red: You do not know the Tima, I should have done what,! Some reason I can speak with only the engrish, very annoyance very am!   
  
Rock: That the stop which pays attention to the small fool!   
  
Duke Red: Lock tighten! She having died, I love her many from you! As for me you dearly, as for you you know that never!   
  
Tima: STOP TALKING! THAT'S SO ANNOYING!  
  
Duke Red: I am very regrettable.  
  
Tima: That's alright, it isn't your fault. It's Rock's! Thanks to him and his slow-mo shot, the very air we breath warped and created a strange phenom making you both speak hardcore engrish!  
  
Duke Red: *Nods*  
  
Rock: That is not my defect!  
  
Duke Red: It is shot in my jelly candy your head and is high. How it continued?  
  
Rock: I had known that! You worry me! Actually, my love, I ate the jelly candy.  
  
Duke Red: I do not worry you! I thought that we would like to know, how it continued exactly,!  
  
Rock: Spoon there is none exist.  
  
Duke Red: ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US. YOU ON THE WAY TO DESTRUCTION.  
  
Rock: What you say?  
  
Duke Red: YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME. HA HA HA.  
  
Rock: ?????????????  
  
Duke Red: YOU IS DIE. MOVE ZIG. LAUNCH ALL ZIG FOR GREAT JUSTICE.  
  
Tima: Woah...dad? Are you talking about the Ziggurat?  
  
Rock: The Ziggurat does not have to be made to launch. Kiss to me. With as for me always called the partner whose characteristic was not better than violence me and had never. I do not possess every basis in any case.   
  
Duke Red: What?  
  
Rock: I would like to possess the characteristic which has you, you do not understand   
  
Duke Red: I the foolish boy your tounge namely would not like to touch you! I call the glass, or am worst... leave the Lum before just I!   
  
Tima: O_O:: Dad, what did you just...what did you just say?  
  
Rock: Do I happen, the smell of the splendid I where? I think...   
  
Duke Red: YOU ON THE WAY TO DESTRUCTION!!*Spontaniously combusts*  
  
Tima: O________________________________O;;  
  
Rock: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! I love the father! *Dies and spontaniously combusts*  
  
Duke Red:*Is in his house* Wow! *Tima leaps into his arms*  
  
Tima: Daddy!  
  
Duke Red: Hello, Tima.  
  
Tima: 0.511MeV  
  
Duke Red: Okay...that's nice. Do you want to go to the carn-  
  
Tima: I'm going to blow up the universe.  
  
Duke Red: Why?  
  
Tima: Because I have the universe.  
  
Duke Red: Why?  
  
Tima: Because Rock wants you.  
  
Duke Red: Don't blow up the universe!  
  
Tima: Okay. Do you want to go to sleep?  
  
Duke Red: Alright...  
  
Tima: *Whispers* How are you reader...All your fanship are belong to Duke Red. You on the way to obsession. Move zig. Launch all zig for great justice. You have no chance to resist make your time. Ha ha ha.  
  
***************************************  
  
~*Tima's Dream*~  
  
(Just...just guess.)  
  
****************************************  
  
~*Rock's Dream*~  
  
(Rock wakes up and is dissapointed to see that he and the young Duke are no longer together. He decides to quietly cuddle next to the real Duke.)  
  
Rock: I will only embrace you...  
  
***************************************  
  
~*Aria's current situation*~  
  
(Aria is waiting for her order)  
  
Aria: Slow Dennys people...  
  
**************************************  
  
~*Duke Red's Dream*~  
  
(Wakes up with his eyes and hearing blurry, cuddling into Rock. He thinks that the boy is Aria.)  
  
Duke Red: I love you too, Aria...  
  
Rock: I'm not Aria...  
  
Duke Red: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! PERVERT! *Pushes Rock off the bed*  
  
Rock: I feel so unloved...  
  
***************************************  
  
~*Tima's Dream*~  
  
(Tima wakes up because of the Duke's scream)  
  
Tima: NOO! What's wrong!?  
  
*************************************  
  
At Dennys...  
  
(Aria is eating her grand slam very quickly so she can get back upstairs)  
  
  
  
Aria: This food sucks SO bad...  
  
************************************  
  
In the airport hotel room...  
  
Tima: Rock, did you touch Mr.Red?  
  
Rock: No, I did not! I just cuddled up to him!  
  
Duke Red: While you had an erection!  
  
Rock: It was because I was dreaming...  
  
Duke Red: We DON'T want to know! What were you doing on my bed, anyway?!  
  
Rock: I was lonely after what happened between me and you in that empty KFC!  
  
Duke Red: What are you talking about?!  
  
Rock: My dream! *Adult joke number one-optional. See bottom of page for it, if you're brave enough*  
  
Duke Red: 0_______________________________________________________________0;;;;;;;;;;;; ROCK I HATE YOU! YOU ON THE WAY TO DESTRUCTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tima: STOP!  
  
Duke Red: Yes, my dearest?  
  
(The door opens, revealing Aria)  
  
Aria: Oh, you're awake...  
  
Rock: Oh...our flight is in two hours! We had better get ready.  
  
Duke Red: Eagle...Hawk....Cockatiel...Hmph.  
  
Tima: Airplane, airplane, tra la la la la!  
  
*********************************  
  
Meanwhile, in a room two floors down...  
  
Simon: Come on, let's get ready! The flight leaves in two hours!  
  
Kenichi: I don't have any other clothes!  
  
Pringles man: Just act like a girl!  
  
Kenichi: Oh, alright...but when we get to Simon's summer villa in Hawaii, we're going to find me something else to wear.  
  
Simon: Don't just stand there!!  
  
Kenichi: We will be together soon, Tima...  
  
**********************************  
  
AN: Hello! Well, again, we request the insight of the reader. Tell us what you think! We think we used too much Engrish, but it was too fun to make...you give us your opinion!  
  
ADULT JOKE NUMBER ONE  
  
**********************************  
  
Rock: My dream! I found out that you're not an eagle, hawk, or cockatiel! You're a SWALLOW!!  
  
*********************************  
  
Ayana: *Face faults* That was horrbile...  
  
Vuong: ^_____________^ Didjagetit reader?  
  
Ayana: -_____-;; just close the chapter...how could you defile your favourite character in such a manner?  
  
Vuong: I dunno. ^______________^  
  
Ayana: -__________-;;;;;; I'm so depressed...my daddy won't write back to me...DOESN'T HE LOVE ME ANYMORE?! I know that I haven't seen him in twelve years...but still! YOU SHOULD WRITE TO YOUR DAUGHTER! *Cries* I'm so forlorne! I USED TO GUARD YOUR REMY MARTIN! I COULD READ WHEN I WAS TWO AND A HALF! WHY?!  
  
Vuong: Calm down... 


	9. Airbus!

Chapter nine: Airbus!!  
  
AN: Please, if you are reading this, review. Us here at AWF don't know what we're doing if nobody tells us! Oh, well. On with the chappy!  
  
**************************  
  
Intro: Our heros wait at their gate after a night of not-so-good sleep. Duke Red is playing travel monopoly with Tima (And winning by a heckuva lot) while Aria tells Rock about why eating on the road should be banned. Simon, Kenichi, and Pringels Man show up. They are going on the same flight.  
  
Duke Red: Doubles again! I--Oh my gosh, it's YOU!!  
  
Simon: Yes. I was just about to say the same thing to you.  
  
Kenichi: Tima! *Sits next to Tima* Are you okay?  
  
Tima: Yes, I'm fine. Except for the fact that I owe him *points at Duke Red* Thirty grand. I just lost by landing on the boardwalk.  
  
Kenichi: Duke Red is a billionair.  
  
Tima: *Sigh* I know...Kenichi, why are you dressed like a schoolgirl still yet?  
  
Kenichi: We don't have time to buy me any clothes.  
  
Duke Red: Simon, I did NOT steal your diva. I was on the edge, I didn't really know what else to do.  
  
Simon: Right.  
  
Duke Red: I'm bigger than you. And richer.  
  
Duke Red:*In time with Simon* And I have a mansion Hawaii!  
  
Simon: *In time with Duke Red* But I have a mansion in Hawaii!  
  
Duke Red: *Gasp* You...  
  
Simon:*Gasp* Hawaii?  
  
Airport announcer guy: Will all first-class passengers for gate 13 flight 130 Honolulu Airlines Metropolis-------Honolulu board now?  
  
Aria: That's us!  
  
Rock: (Thought) Hawaii is so romantic! There is no doubt in my mind that I will be able to win father's heart there! We'll have a candlelight dinner on beautiful sunset beach...(end Thought)  
  
Duke Red: Rock, you idiot boy! Hurry up!  
  
Rock: Coming father!  
  
Duke Red: Don't call me father!  
  
***************************  
  
In the airbus  
  
***************************  
  
Seating arrangement:  
  
Window: Duke Red  
  
Center window: Aria  
  
Right window: Tima  
  
Left center: Rock  
  
Second left center: Simon  
  
Second right center: Kenichi  
  
Right center: Pringles man  
  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _  
  
The seats ---^  
  
**************************  
  
Pringles Man: Ahh, the magic of flight. Spectacular, isn't it? *Picks up a copy of 'Hawaii!' from the little pocket in the chair in front of him.* Ooh...*Notices hula girl* Oooooh....  
  
Simon: *Orders some headphones from the flight attendant* Hawaii is going to be spectacular! This is my mansion. *Flashes a picture of a very nice mansion to the entire group.*  
  
Duke Red: It can't be!  
  
Simon: What now, beakbrain?  
  
Duke Red: That mansion is directly across the street from mine!  
  
(Dun dun DUN!)  
  
Simon: You've got to be kidding me!  
  
Duke Red: I'm not! *Shows a picture of his mansion to the group* Recognize anything?  
  
Simon: *Gasp* You're right!  
  
Aria: *smiles* Such beautiful homes!  
  
Everyone else: ... *Facefault*  
  
(The airbus begins to taxi)  
  
Simon: *Listening to headphones and singing off pitch* Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with meeeeeEEEEEEE!!  
  
(Silence)  
  
Duke Red: Shut your face! *Throws a book about mold at Simon* Are you going to sing like that through the entire flight?!  
  
Simon: *Sniff* No...*Picks up the mold book* Ooooh, interesting. *Reads*  
  
Tima: *Picks up some silicon earplugs and sticks them in her nostrils* How interesting!  
  
Flight attendent: Okay, everyone, get your seat belts on! We will be taking off in less than a minute. After we are in the air you may go to the upper levels of the airbus and have some fun!  
  
Duke Red: Alright, is everyone buckled in?  
  
Tima: I need help...  
  
(Kenichi and Duke Red try to rush to Tima's aid but forget the fact that they are already buckled up. Aria secures Tima's belt.)  
  
Aria: There we go! All finished!  
  
Tima: Yay! Thank you Aria!  
  
Aria: You're welcome, Tima!  
  
(The airbus begins to take off, and Pringles Man turns into a post-it note.)  
  
Kenichi: Uncle! What happened?!  
  
Post-it note: ...  
  
Kenichi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!UNCLE!!!  
  
Simon: Be quiet, will you?!  
  
(Kenichi pockets the post-it note, sniffling.)  
  
Duke Red: Look at the city and the ocean, Aria! Aren't they beautiful?  
  
Aria: I can see the Ziggurat from here!  
  
Duke Red: Anyone can see the Ziggurat from anywhere, Aria. It's huge.  
  
Aria: Oh...yeah.  
  
(Duke Red shuts his eyes)  
  
Flight attendent: You can wander around now, folks!  
  
Duke Red: (thought)Yes! Now I can go use the restroom!(End thought)  
  
(Duke Red stands up and makes his way to the restroom)  
  
Rock: (thought) I wonder where father is going? I had better follow him...maybe we'll even get to be alone together!(end thought)  
  
Simon: I'm going to the casino.  
  
Tima: Me too.  
  
(Tima and Simon make their way to the casino)  
  
*******************  
  
At the casino, which is next door to the first class seating area...  
  
*******************  
  
Tima: There's nobody here!  
  
Simon: Not even a dealer!  
  
Tima: This is creepy, let's get out of here. *Runs back to the casino door but it won't open at all, no matter what method Tima tries. They do the same thing with all the other doors, but to no avail. They are locked in.*  
  
Simon: Um...you were wrong. This is REALLY creepy.  
  
Tima: *Gulp* Ye-yeah...  
  
********************  
  
In the men's restroom...  
  
********************  
  
Duke Red is whistling and washing his hands in the plush men's restroom. There is a lounging area and even a few vending machines. Rock enters and sits at the couch.  
  
Rock:(Thought) So father had to go to the restroom...(End thought)  
  
Duke Red: *Walks around corner and sees Rock* GYAHH! What are you doing here?!  
  
Rock: I was following you...  
  
Duke Red: Whatever. *Tries to open the door out of the restroom all ways possible but to no avail* NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!  
  
Rock: It's a sign! We have to spend some quality time together, father!  
  
Duke Red: *Gulp* Quality...time?  
  
Rock: You know, father-son bonding!  
  
Duke Red: I'm not your father!  
  
Rock: You know that's not true in your heart...wait. You aren't my father.  
  
Duke Red: Thank goodness! How long did it take for you to figure that out, boy?  
  
Rock: YOU'RE MY OBSESSION, MY ONE TRUE DESIRE!!  
  
Duke Red: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
*******************  
  
In the seating area...  
  
*******************  
  
Aria: Did you hear that?  
  
Kenichi: Hear what?  
  
Aria: A scream just now. It sounded like Duke Red...oh well. *Falls asleep*  
  
******************  
  
In the casino...  
  
******************  
  
(At the roullette table)  
  
Tima: All my chips say it's going to land on the red one, baby!  
  
Simon: We'll see!  
  
(The ball falls on the red one)  
  
Simon: We have a winner!  
  
(Weird and spooky noises come out of nowhere)  
  
Tima: I'm really getting creeped out...  
  
Simon: This is...freaky...wait...  
  
voice: Put that MP3 player down!  
  
Other voice: I'm a slaaaaaaave for you...  
  
Voice: No!  
  
Tima: That's Rock...  
  
Simon: And Duke Red!  
  
*******************  
  
In the men's restroom...  
  
*******************  
  
Rock is in his undies singing 'I'm a slave 4 U' as Duke Red tries to hide.  
  
Duke Red: Just leave me alone!  
  
Rock: Don't deny your desire!  
  
Duke Red: I have no desire for you!  
  
Rock: You're a terrible liar, do you know that?  
  
Duke Red: GO AWAY!  
  
Rock: I can be the prince and you can be the princess!  
  
Duke Red: ARGH!!!!!  
  
*******************  
  
In the seating area...  
  
*******************  
  
Aria: Do you hear pop music?  
  
Kenichi: A little...  
  
Aria: Thought so. *falls asleep again*  
  
******************  
  
In the casino...  
  
******************  
  
Tima: This is getting creepier and creepier...  
  
Rock's voice: Come here and spank me!  
  
Duke Red's voice: NO!  
  
Simon: I agree.  
  
Tima: I'm scared.  
  
Rock's voice: Love me daddy!  
  
Simon: Just close your ears and it'll all go away.  
  
Tima: Poor *Points in the direction of the men's restroom*  
  
Simon: Right.  
  
*******************  
  
In the men's restroom...  
  
*******************  
  
Rock: Just one little kiss!  
  
Duke Red: NO!  
  
Rock: Pleaaaase?  
  
Duke Red: Stupid! *Slaps Rock*  
  
Rock: Oh, so you're THAT kind of guy. I should have known all along! *Slaps Duke Red* What's my name!?  
  
Duke Red: *Puts a hand to his own face, an expression of shock coming upon it.* You...  
  
Rock: *Eyes water anime love scene style* Yes?  
  
Duke Red: You IDIOT! *Smacks Rock so hard he hits the floor*  
  
Rock: Yes, oh YES!  
  
Duke Red: ...(Thought) That stupid boy thinks everything I do is an act of...you know. I must find a way to get out of here...(end thought)  
  
Rock: I just LOVE the dominant types!  
  
Duke Red: -______-;;  
  
*********************  
  
In the seating area...  
  
*********************  
  
Aria: And it's good!  
  
Kenichi: I don't get how you can beat me so bad in tabletop football when you're a girl and I'm a boy.  
  
Aria: Girls can do anything!  
  
Kenichi: I guess...  
  
Aria: You know, I think that schoolgirl costume is affecting your brain.  
  
Kenichi: *Voice becoming slightly more girlish* Whatever do you mean? Come, let's look at some travel magazines.  
  
Aria: Alright.  
  
Kenichi: *Picks up a travel fashion magazine* Isn't she pretty? *Points to lady on the cover as his hair begins to grow long underneath the wig he is wearing*  
  
Aria: Um...Kenichi?  
  
Kenichi: Yes?  
  
Aria: You might want to try taking off that wig for a little bit...  
  
Kenichi: *Really girlish voice that he himself doesn't seem to notice...it sounds natural* Alright, just a second. *Takes off wig and touches his hair* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Aria: I think you're turning into a girl.  
  
Kenichi: This can't be!  
  
Aria: Here's a mirror. *Hands Kenichi a mirror from her bag*  
  
Kenichi: Woah, I'm cute. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
*********************  
  
In the casino...  
  
*********************  
  
Simon and Tima are rolling in a gigantic pile of casino chips as 'We're in the Money' plays.  
  
Tima: Weeee! I never thought I would be able to roll around in 1.3 Billion!  
  
Simon: Me neither! Weeeee!  
  
Tima: This is so much fun! I hope we don't get arrested just for rolling in the chips. That's not illegal, right?  
  
Simon: I don't think so...  
  
Tima: We didn't steal them, right? We just moved them...and rolled in them.  
  
Simon: I know no law that prohibits that.  
  
Tima: Okay!  
  
(Tima and Simon continue rolling)  
  
Simon: WAIT!  
  
Tima: What now?  
  
Simon: *Puts on a gaming visor* Now we can roll!  
  
(Tima and Simon continu rolling...again.)  
  
*******************  
  
In the men's restroom...  
  
*******************  
  
Duke Red is hiding in a stall completely wrapped in 4ply toilet paper (Very soft.) Rock is skipping around the huge restroom looking for him.  
  
Duke Red: (thought) My life is over...who know's what'll happen if that boy gets his hands on me? There's nothing I can do...my psyche is getting warped horribly out of shape thus rendering me paranoied and defenceless...I want a strawberry custard danish.(end thought)  
  
Rock: Oh Dukie! Where are you? It's time to plaaaaaayyy!  
  
Duke Red: *gulp* (thought) I don't know what to do! Will my disguise work, or will it just make him kinky? I don't know! I need help! Someone must save me!(End thought)  
  
Rock: Hmm hmm hmm...I smell the smell of love!  
  
Duke Red: O_____o???  
  
Rock: Roses...I smell roses! That can only mean one thing...  
  
Duke Red: *Sniffs himself* ... (Thought) Rose cologne...WHY did I use rose scented cologne?! I'm so stupid! Stupid me! I'm going to dump the entire 1/2 ounce bottle! Even if it was $1,700!!(end thought)  
  
Rock: BOO! Gotcha, loverboy!  
  
Duke Red: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...  
  
************************  
  
In Middle Earth...  
  
************************  
  
Legolas: There is a fell voice on the air!  
  
Aragorn: Is it Saruman?  
  
Legolas: No, I fear I do not know who it is. Perhaps it is an important political-like figure being captured by his adopted almost-son in a very large, fancy, flying place of release?  
  
Aragorn: Perhaps.  
  
************************  
  
At the Osbourne's house...  
  
************************  
  
Ozzy: What's that f***ing noise?! Sharon!  
  
Sharon: What, Ozzy?!  
  
Ozzy: Th-th-there's a noise coming fr-from somewhere. Can you help me find it?  
  
Sharon: It doesn't sound like it's coming from the house...  
  
Kelly: MUM, JACK STOLE MY METROPOLIS DVD AGAIN!! JACK, YOU F***ING B*STARD! YOU TOOK IT, DIDN'T YOU?!  
  
Jack: WHAT, KELLY? WHAT DO YOU WANT?!  
  
*************************  
  
At Hogwarts...  
  
*************************  
  
Professor Snape: And we add a little bit of boomslang skin... *Glass vials break everywhere as a scream blasts through the halls* BLOODY PEEVES!  
  
Draco: I don't think it's Peeves, professor...  
  
Entire class: YOU-KNOW-WHO!!  
  
Harry: Voldemort!  
  
(Silence)  
  
Harry: ...Celine Dion?   
  
(Silence)  
  
Harry: Alright, you-know-who! Are you happy now?  
  
(Screaming and chaos ensues.)  
  
**************************  
  
City of the Ancients...  
  
**************************  
  
Aeris: *Wakes up* LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY! SHEESH! STUPID PLANET SPIRIT THINGIES! I'M DEAD LIKE YOU NOW! I CAN'T HELP YOU! *Throws a rock out of the water*  
  
(Silence)  
  
Aeris: I am seriously bored. Stupid screaming...I was happy and dead until you and your stupid horrible-ness came along...  
  
(There is silence as Aeris continues to listen to the scream.)  
  
Aeris: This is the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me in six years.  
  
**************************  
  
In Tokyo...  
  
**************************  
  
Chii is listening. She turns to Hideki, confused.  
  
Chii: Chii?  
  
Hideki: It sounds like someone's getting killed...  
  
Chii: *Uber-kawaii sad face* Chii...  
  
Hideki: Don't worry, it's not your problem.  
  
Chii: *Draws a really childlike but kawaii drawing of Rock capturing Duke Red* Chii chii!  
  
Hideki: Isn't that that guy that dressed up like Utena?  
  
Chii: Chii! *Glomps Hideki*  
  
Hideki: You're a good girl, Chii.  
  
Chii: Chii good girl!  
  
****************************  
  
In a hospital in Metropolis...  
  
****************************  
  
Dilandau: Do you hear Duke Red screaming?  
  
Utena: *Carrying a bundle of roses* Why, yes. Yes I do.  
  
Dilandau: At least he doesn't have a rare and horrible disease!  
  
Utena: He does have one, Dilandau. *Puts the roses in a vase*  
  
Dilandau: Oh yeah? And what's that?  
  
Utena: Rock Syndrome.  
  
Dilandau: Ha ha. Very funny. Where's my menu?!  
  
****************************  
  
In the seating area...  
  
****************************  
  
Aria: Duke Red's in trouble!  
  
Kenichi: *Painting his nails and listening to pop music* Why should I care? *Now has a really natural valley girl voice*  
  
Aria: O________________________________O!!! Kenichi!! You're...a GIRL!  
  
Kenichi: And? What's you're problem? You're a girl too.  
  
Aria: You used to be...  
  
Kenichi: What? Do I look like a freaking boy to you? Geez, I've never met anyone so clueless...  
  
Aria: Hmm...*Walks in direction of Men's restroom. Once she gets there, she tries to open the door but can't* Oh my!  
  
Kenichi: Looks like you're stuck, Silverfish.  
  
Aria: What?  
  
Kenichi: That's the name I'm giving you. Your hair is a funky silver color and you look really streamlined, so why not?  
  
Aria: What do I call you?  
  
Kenichi: You can call me Buzz.  
  
Aria: Alright...Buzz. Can you help me open this door?  
  
Kenichi: No prob. *Stands and walks over to Aria, taking a screwdriver out of her/his pocket* So, Silverfish, where ya from?   
  
Aria: Right out of Madrie county.  
  
Kenichi: *Working on door* They've got nice hills there. Great for snowboarding.  
  
Aria: We go snowboarding every winter.  
  
Kenichi: That's nice. Since we're pals, you should invite me one time. *Works on door some more*  
  
Aria: Alright...  
  
**************************  
  
In the casino...  
  
**************************  
  
Tima: *Sips a smoothie* I'm getting bored.  
  
Simon: *Sips pina colada* Yup.  
  
Tima: Do you hear screaming?  
  
Simon: Yup.  
  
Tima: Nothing new.  
  
*************************  
  
In the men's restroom...  
  
*************************  
  
(Now would be a good time to play 'Lux Aeterna' from Requiem for a Dream.)  
  
Duke Red: ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!*Holding out an empty toilet paper roll* YOU SHALL NOT PASS!  
  
Rock: Roleplaying, huh?  
  
Duke Red: -__________________-;; No, you stupid boy! I hate you! Get away from me, or I'll...I'll...Do something not good!  
  
Rock: Something not good? What's that?  
  
Duke Red: I don't know yet, but when I do think of it, you will be sorry!  
  
Rock: *Bursts into insane laughter* When I think of it! *Continues laughing*  
  
Duke Red: -___-;I need therapy...  
  
Rock: *Is still laughing*  
  
Duke Red:*Quickly runs away. You can almost hear scary music playing!LA* (thought) What am I going to do? He can't be far behind. I must hide someplace he cannot find me!(end thought) *Leaps behind a couch with a loud 'SMACK!'* Ow...that was unplesant...  
  
Rock: *Notices Duke Red is gone and stops laughing* Dukie...? *Looks around all hysterical-like* DUKIE! COME OUT (Extreme emphasis)NOW!!!!  
  
Duke Red: (Thought) I don't want to be found. I want to make a little coccoon and hide away, dreaming about Aria night and day...hey...that rhymed! But still...(end thought) Still...*Begins to cry softly-everybody AWWWWWW!!!*  
  
Rock: *Extremely angry* WHERE ARE YOU?! *Destroys a toilet* COME OUT!  
  
*********************  
  
In the seating area...  
  
*********************  
  
Kenichi: *Almost done with work on door* Almost got it...  
  
Aria: Please hurry, Buzz!  
  
(Crashing and yelling emits from restroom)  
  
Kenichi: Don't worry, Silverfish...  
  
Aria: *Crying* Please!  
  
Kenichi: *Screwdriver breaks* DAMN!  
  
Aria: *Begins pounding on door* OPEN! OPEN NOW!! *begins crying harder*  
  
(Even more crashing and yelling)  
  
Kenichi: *Picks up broken screwdriver and tries to continue working* Stop crying! everything's going to be fine!  
  
*********************  
  
In the casino...  
  
*********************  
  
Tima: Something's wrong! *the scent of fresh blood and death fills the air* Simon!  
  
Simon: Tima...*Points at the drinks-they are blood*   
  
Tima: Wh-What's going on?!  
  
Simon: I don't know, but I'm getting really, really scared!  
  
Tima: AH! *The bar begins to rot...somehow.* Wh...  
  
Simon: Let's go!*Grabs Tima*  
  
(Tima and Simon run to the casino door, pounding on it. They are desperate to escape.)  
  
Tima: HELP!  
  
Simon: LET US OUT!  
  
(A darkness begins growing in the casino)  
  
Tima: AHHHHHHHHHH!!  
  
*********************  
  
In the men's restroom...  
  
*********************  
  
Duke Red: (thought) He's coming! (end thought) *Rolls into a tight ball, shivering like mad.*  
  
Rock: *Bashing random things, still yelling like a lunatic* WHERE ARE YOU?!*comes closer to the couch*  
  
Duke Red: *Gets up, runs, and pounds on the door screaming bloody murder. Rock sees him and begins to slowly walk twoards him.* HELP ME! SOMEBODY, PLEASE!  
  
Rock: HEEEEEERE'S ROCKY!  
  
Duke Red: HELP ME!!*Begins to sob, and collapses against the door* Please...  
  
Rock: *Getting closer* THERE'S NOWHERE TO RUN!  
  
********************  
  
In the seating area...  
  
********************  
  
Kenichi: Got it!  
  
Aria: *Pulls the door down as Kenichi gets out of the way. Duke Red falls onto the floor* Duke Red!  
  
Duke Red: Aria!*Reaches up to her like a small child wanting to be carried*  
  
Aria: *Helps Duke Red up. They run to the back of the seating area as crazy approaches them.* There's nowhere...  
  
Kenichi: to run!  
  
Rock: *Insane laughter* Do you think you can escape now?*slows down*  
  
Kenichi: Dammit...  
  
Aria: No, no, no, no, no...  
  
*********************  
  
In the Casino...  
  
*********************  
  
The darkness fills the entire casino, and blood begins trickling from under the door. The casino begins to smell like rotting bodies. Simon turns around to find that the room that was once a casino is now a frosty room full or the rotting dead.  
  
Simon: AHHHHHHH!  
  
Tima: Wh...Simon...  
  
(The dead people begin to get up and come twoard them.)  
  
Tima: SIMON!  
  
Simon: There's nothing we can do!!  
  
Tima: I don't want to die!  
  
Simon:*Begins to cry*It can't end this way...  
  
********************  
  
In the seating area...  
  
********************  
  
Rock: Once upon a time there was a very, very handsome Prince--no, a very, very handsome Duke who loved the color red. He lived with his wife, his daughter, and a very nice little boy, who fell desperately in love with him. Oh, the boy would do whatever the Duke, his 'Father', said. They lived contently...for a time.  
  
There came a day where the little boy 'accidentally' killed the little Duchess. But oh, 'accidentally'. It was not all his fault, wasn't it? But still...  
  
The little Duchess was gone, for the Duke would not forgive the little boy.  
  
Things only went somewhat downhill. The Duke still let the little boy call him 'Father' until the same mistake was made...  
  
And the mommy Duchess passed away.  
  
Oh, the Duke was very, very angry at the little boy! How could he do such a thing?  
  
"For you." the little boy said. "Only for you. For you see, father, women only do no good. It is the both of us together who truely shine forth as proper lovers."  
  
This only enraged the Duke. He never let the little boy call him 'Father' again and was disgusted to look upon his sad little face. Such skillfull work her did to create these 'accidents'! Didn't his father appreciate his love? No...  
  
So one day, as the Duke, his new Duchess, the fake little Duchess, and the entire royal court migrated across the ocean, the little boy decided to do one last thing for his beloved Duke...  
  
Duke Red: Wh-What?  
  
Rock: He decided to make a valentine, in the middle of the fall. Why, how absurd! But no...really. What better gift to a Duke who loves the color red so much...than a beautiful, bright red room? Ah, red. The color of power, is it not? The color of courage, the color of war...and the color...of love...and uncontrollable...passion. Silly me! I'm rambling. I've got to get to painting this room for my love!  
  
Kenichi: There's no paint...  
  
Rock: What?  
  
Kenichi: I-I said that there's no paint...  
  
Rock: Silly girl. Sure there is! All I have to do is get it out of you!  
  
Aria: *Clings to Duke Red* No...no...no...please, no...  
  
Duke Red: *Gulp* Wh-what are you going to do to us?  
  
Rock: Us? Them, you mean. I'm going to open them up and paint this room for us. Then we may rest. Now, you may do as you like, my love. Housework is dull, especially for one as powerful, courageous, war-minded, loving, and passionate as you. Next to you, my dear, I am nothing. The only thing I can do for you now is paint this room. But wait! Why did you run from me so? You seemed frightened, my love. Are you a virgin?  
  
Duke Red: Don't hurt them.  
  
Rock: Wha? These women? Worthless things, they are. Never stick to their own kind. Drag us men into their world of anti-innocence..they are not gentle.  
  
Duke Red: I don't care. Don't hurt them.  
  
Rock: Don't you want your valentine?  
  
Duke Red: I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't understand...  
  
Rock: Huh?  
  
Duke Red: Everyone dies, anyway. Why should I care? They stay for a little while then go away forever...I'll bet that they never even cared...  
  
Rock: What are you...  
  
Duke Red: Then that means the only one to ever really love me...is you, Rock.  
  
Rock: That's right!  
  
Duke Red: But wait...  
  
Rock: Yes?  
  
Duke Red: You HATE me. Yes, that's correct.  
  
Rock: How--  
  
Duke Red: You have been taking everyone away. I remember that now...so...you are the one who truely HATES me.  
  
Rock: Why are you saying these things?  
  
Duke Red: Because they are true, Rock.  
  
**********************  
  
In the casino...  
  
**********************  
  
The zombies are staring at Simon and Tima, as if calculating what to do to them. The stench is unbearable.  
  
Tima: I...can't...  
  
Simon: I'm going to...fa...i...n...  
  
(Darkness)  
  
**********************  
  
In the seating area...  
  
**********************  
  
Duke Red:*Chuckles softly* Of course, I still love the color red, my boy. Didn't you say it was the color of love...and passion?*Moves closer to Rock*  
  
Rock:*Backs away* Yes, I did.  
  
Duke Red: I think...I love you, Rock...what better way for me to show this than to play with you.  
  
Rock: ...Play?  
  
Duke Red: Like when you were younger, and we would play tag...my, you loved that game. Always running, you were...if not...you were trying on your sister's dresses. Step foward...my son.   
  
Rock: Yes...*Takes one step foward.*  
  
Duke Red: *Chuckles again* I know you hate me, but could you be a little more considerate? Make me smile, just this once...let me TAG you...*fingers something in his pocket*  
  
Aria: *Whimpers* I don't know what's happening...  
  
Kenichi: I don't either...  
  
Rock: *Slowly walks to Duke Red* I'm here.  
  
Duke Red: *Puts his arms around Rock* I'll never understand you...*There is a loud 'WOOSH!' as Duke Red quickly takes the thing from his pocket out, removes something from it, and jabs Rock in the arm. Rock slides to the floor, asleep.*  
  
Aria: Where did you learn to do that?!  
  
Duke Red: Ettiquite school. Self-defence. High-risk course. Very useful.  
  
Kenichi: That ROCKS!  
  
Aria and Duke Red: SHHH!  
  
Kenichi: Oh, yeah.  
  
(The three put Rock in the men's restroom and resecure the door.)  
  
Aria: What was all that stuff you were saying about you and Rock?  
  
Duke Red: Nothing. Just a random jumble of thought.  
  
Aria: Wow...*Looks out the window* We're almost there.  
  
(the flight attendant comes into the seating area.)  
  
Flight attendant: Buckle your seatbelts for the landing, please!  
  
(Duke Red, Aria, and Kenichi buckle their safety belts.)  
  
Flight attendant: Where are the others?  
  
Duke Red: I don't know.  
  
Flight attendant: Oh, well.  
  
********************  
  
In the casino...  
  
********************  
  
A flight attendant opens the door to the casino to find Simon and Tima fainted. Everything in the casino is normal now.  
  
Casino flight attendant: This is the third time this week! *Drags the two of them back to the seating room and buckles them in* There!  
  
********************  
  
-_______-;; In the seating room where everyone but Rock is...  
  
********************  
  
Simon: ZOMBIES!  
  
Duke Red: What are you talking about?!  
  
Simon: Oh...nothing. Where's Rock?  
  
(Tima wakes up)  
  
Duke Red: He gave us a little trouble. *Pulls toilet paper out of his hair*  
  
Aria: I'm glad that's over.  
  
(the airbus begins to land)  
  
********************  
  
Five minutes later...  
  
********************  
  
Duke Red: Ahhh, Hawaii. The land of legend, mystery, sun and sand.  
  
Tima: It's pretty here.  
  
Simon: Well? What do we do now?  
  
Duke Red: Simple! Call a limo!*Gets out his cell phone* Hello? Is this Hot Shot limosines? I'd like a limosine to come to the Honolulu airport. A few...seconds? The entire fleet is right here? Thank you.*hangs up just as a limo pulls up in front of them. The whole gang piles in and the limo drives off.*  
  
*******************  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
*******************  
  
Flight attendant: He's mine, all mine! *Ties Rock to a chair*  
  
Rock: *slowly opens his eyes* Who...who are you?  
  
Flight attendant: My name is Emma...but you may call me Rocku!  
  
Rock: NOT YOU!!  
  
Emma: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
******************  
  
Later...  
  
******************  
  
Simon: Alright. I'll go to my house with Kenichi and Aria, and you can have Tima.  
  
Duke Red: No, no, no. Aria stays with ME. I saved her life. You can live with Kenichi.  
  
Simon: Hmm. Fine, then. I'll see you later.  
  
Duke Red: I'll see YOU later.  
  
Tima: That *Points to the mansion* Is my new home?  
  
Duke Red: Yes.  
  
Tima: Will I get to see Kenichi?  
  
Duke Red: Of course! He...er...she...er...it lives right across the street!  
  
Aria: I'm tired, let's go in already.  
  
Duke Red: Me too.  
  
Tima: How can I faint if I'm a robot?  
  
(Twilight zone music)  
  
*****************************  
  
AN: Well? How was it? I swear, this has to be the most serious chapter in this story. (the sequal to this story will be serious and not written as a script) I think this is the biggest chapter of them all, actually. It has not lyrics! (Which I use too much of.) Ahh, so much can happen in one Airbus...now review! Please? 


	10. Our Loveable Resident British Historical...

Ayana: Surrfornotupdatingforsixforevers!  
  
Rudin: We've been busy.  
  
Ayana: Because we've been helping my pal with her revwar historical fiction. Research, ya know. Tons of it.  
  
Rudin: So yes, we're alive, and yes, we have more characters.  
  
Ayana: Yup. Well, here we go!  
  
*************  
  
Intro: Everyone is chillin' at Duke Red's house. Everything is laid back and normal, even though Ban is a post-it note and Kenichi is a girl. It is storming outside.  
  
Duke Red: *sitting on a long couch reading the Honolulu Advertiser* There's nothing to do today.  
  
Aria: You said it.  
  
Tima: Don't the collaborative authorities have some idea as to what to do?  
  
Kenichi: I don't think so.  
  
*silence*  
  
Simon: I'm bored.  
  
Kenichi: Don't you think we know that?  
  
Aria: I know! Let's play trivial pursuit!  
  
Duke Red: No.  
  
Aria: I know! Let's play trivial pursuit!  
  
Duke Red: Okay, why not.  
  
*Kenichi walks over to a chest and takes out a box labled 'Trivial Pursuit'. She sets it up in the center of everyone*  
  
Kenichi: How do you play this dang game again?  
  
Duke Red: I dunremember.  
  
Simon: Can I be the banker?  
  
Aria: There is no banker...is there?  
  
Tima: I don't think so. Is there, papa?  
  
Duke Red: You called me papa...*teary eyes*  
  
Tima: Of course! You're my father, are you not?  
  
Duke Red: *hugs Tima and sobs* I'm so happy, my dear!  
  
Tima: You can let go, papa.  
  
Kenichi: I'll read the instructions. *Kenichi picks up the instructions and begins looking over them*  
  
Tima: Um...papa, I told you to let go.  
  
Duke Red: *lets go of Tima* Oh, sorry. *accidentally knocks Tima's hot chocolate from the armrest of the couch and onto the trivial pursuit board* Yes! It missed the carpet! *the TP board begins glowing* Um...okay.  
  
Tima and Aria: What did you do!?  
  
Duke Red: I dunno.  
  
Tima: My hot chocolate...  
  
Kenichi: Um...it says on the instructions: 'Do not add hot chocolate. If you spill hot chocolate on the board, maximum two random historical figures will be sent to you. There is no way to send them back. Warning: Historical figures may cause unwanted guests.'  
  
Duke Red: ...dangit.  
  
*The glowing gets really, really bright and a wooshing sound engulfs the room*  
  
Everyone: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
*the wooshing and light stops*  
  
Aria: Hey, look!  
  
John Andre: Oh my...where am I?!  
  
Tima: What are we going to do about that?  
  
Kenichi: *shrugs*  
  
Duke Red: Hey it's--  
  
*the board begins glowing and wooshing again*  
  
Everyone: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
*the glowing and wooshing stops*  
  
Ban Tarleton: What in the blazes...  
  
Aria: It's Banastre Tarleton, British war hero! OMGILUVYOUUUUUUU!!! *glomp*  
  
Ban Tarleton: Call me Ban.  
  
Kanichi: *puppy eyes* Uncle?  
  
Ban Tarleton: I'm not your uncle...you can get off of me, young lady.  
  
Duke Red: *eyes Ban*  
  
John Andre: Ban...Banastre?! THISISALLYOURFAULT! *tackle**strangle**pummle**throttle*  
  
Aria: AHHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
Kenichi: I...don't know what to do about this.  
  
Ban Tarleton: M-I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING AT ALL!!  
  
John Andre: ...Alright. *lets Banastre go*  
  
Tima: Hello.  
  
John Andre: What a cute little girl! *gets his pimp on* Allow me to draw you! ^^  
  
Duke Red: *smacks John Andre* GETAWAYFROMMYDAUGHTERIDON'TCAREIFYOU'REANIMPORTANTHISTORICALFIGUREKEEPYOUREYESOFFMYLITTLEANGEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
John Andre: ...Who are you?  
  
Duke Red: ...-____-;;  
  
*The flush of a toilet is heard and Simon walks into the room*  
  
Simon: Have you--BLOODY HELL!!!  
  
Aria: Shibby, huh?^^  
  
Tima: Supercalifragilisticespialidocious.  
  
Duke Red: Annoying, actually, but quite alright.  
  
Kenichi: UNCLE!!  
  
Ban Tarleton: No, little girl.  
  
Kenichi: ...  
  
John Andre: Where are we? Are you going to kill us?  
  
Simon: N-No...*puppy eyes* I wrote a paper on you when I was ten...  
  
John Andre: Who, me?  
  
Simon: *nod*  
  
John Andre: *sweatdrops and steps backward* Heh...^^;;  
  
*The door bursts open, and everyone gasps*  
  
Aria: Anthy!  
  
Duke Red: And Skunk!  
  
Kenichi: You know, I never saw that coming.  
  
Anthy: Where's Utena? I've come to take her back.  
  
Duke Red: She's not here, she's at the Metropolitain Hospital with Dilandau. Besides, she doesn't love you anymore. Why do you want her to come back to you?  
  
Anthy: Because...  
  
Simon: Well, get on with it!  
  
Anthy: Because she made me pregnant!  
  
*Crickets chirp*  
  
Tima: How, exactly, did you find us?  
  
Anthy: There was this blinding light and this really loud wooshing noise...  
  
*Everyone groans in annoyance*  
  
Anthy: What?! It's true!  
  
Skunk: I am here to get back at you for yelling at me, Dukie!  
  
Duke Red: ...Dukie?! When did I yell at you?!  
  
Skunk: Back in the first chapter! *crumbles whatever's left of the thin transparent fourth wall of the story*  
  
Flashback  
  
Duke Red: *Sigh*  
  
Skunk: What the hell is wrong with you?  
  
Duke Red: BE QUIET! IT'S MY LIFE! I HATE YOU!  
  
(Skunk runs out of the Auditorium crying and everyone watches him, somewhat shocked.)  
  
/Flashback  
  
Duke Red: Oh...I completely forgot about that.  
  
Skunk: Leave it to you to forget about human emotion!  
  
Duke Red: I was--and I still am--in love.  
  
Aria: Oh, my! With who?  
  
Everyone but Aria: *collective facefault*  
  
Skunk: That doesn't give you the right to yell at me! So I'll get my revenge. I just havn't figured out how yet.  
  
Anthy: How about killing Aria?  
  
Skunk: That would work.  
  
Aria: *gulp* Um...nothanks.^^;;  
  
Anthy: Oh, okay.^^  
  
Skunk: *looks around room, and spots Ban and John playing with the TV* I know how I'll get revenge on you! *takes out cell-phone* Hello? President Bush? This is Skunk from Metropolis. You have a spy in your midsts...no, no. He's a British spy. Apparently, the British are trying to lure you into a false sense of security so they can TAKE OVER YER COUNTRY!  
  
Aria: Oh, crapplesticks. I like Britain...  
  
Simon: Why do I feel the need to put a hurting on someone?  
  
Duke Red: Alright. You can kill me. You can kill my daughter. You can even try to kill my pseudo-girlfriend who is unbeleivably immune to horrible happenings. BUT YOU CANNOT SEND BUSH TO BOMB MY BRITAIN!!!!!*attack**pummle**throttle**hit**slap**random bondage technique**high pitched scream**beating with wet noodle*  
  
Skunk: X_____X  
  
Tima: Woohoo!  
  
Simon: Go get him!  
  
Anthy: Oh, my...  
  
Ban Tarleton: ...goodness!  
  
John Andre: ...meep.  
  
Aria: ...oh dear...  
  
Kenichi: Two hundred says Beakyboy wins!  
  
Ban Tarleton: Taken!  
  
*Two windows across from each other break at once*  
  
Everyone: *collective gasp*  
  
Utena: I've come to smite you, Anthy!  
  
Rock: MY LOVE! I'VE COME TO RESCUE YOU!!  
  
Duke Red: *little girl scream*  
  
Anthy: Utena!  
  
Aria: Ditto!  
  
Utena: Dilly's still at the hospital, but I sensed Anthy's presence here. I must stop her...I hate her with every fiber of my being.  
  
Skunk: Bweehee hee hee!!  
  
Anthy and Rock: I thought you loved me!  
  
Duke Red: I don't love you. I maybe did at one point, as a son, but no...not anymore. *Apathetic face*  
  
Skunk: Waiit a moment--  
  
*The door bursts open to reveal a whole lot of army guys*  
  
Kenichi: Dude.  
  
Aria: *gulp*  
  
Anthy: Hello!  
  
Ban Tartleton: Not again...  
  
Utena: This isn't a good time, is it...  
  
Duke Red: Alright, this is getting WAY out of hand!  
  
John Andre: *screams and hides behind Simon* DON'T LET THEM GET ME AGAIN!!! PLEASE! I'm not a spy...*muttering*  
  
Simon: ...I don't know what to do.^^;;  
  
Skunk: We are so dead.  
  
Rock: *Takes Duke Red's hand* Since...we're most likely going to die or be captured in a few seconds...I'd like to tell you a secret.  
  
Duke Red: What, Rock? That you're madly in love with me? I already know, you sicko.  
  
Rock: No, it's not that. I've been hiding this from you for so long.   
  
Duke Red--  
  
Ban Tarleton: Excuse me for interrupting this little moment, but I must ask this--What are you the Duke of?  
  
Duke Red: ...I don't remember. O___o;;  
  
Ban Tarleton: Oh, okay. Carry on.  
  
Rock: Duke Red...I...I am...  
  
*collective suspense*  
  
Rock: I am...  
  
****************  
  
OMG CLIFFHANGER!!!!!! This is a very short chapter, I know. Havn't written in script form in a looong time. Gotta get the joints moving. Well, aren't you all curious as to what Rock's secret is? *suspenseful music* Tune in next week to find out... 


End file.
